Birthday Blog

newproject_1_original-7Today is my birthday. (Edit…it was two days ago)

Born 9th April 1988, on the 100th day of the year, on the 142nd Grand National Day, just after 1pm. My dad lost his bet…a great start.

Throughout my twenty-nine years on this earth I have pretty much had as much freedom as I have wanted. What a beautiful thing. Reflecting on that, I admit I did not use that freedom wisely most of the time, which is selfish when considering how much some people would simply like freedom. On turning twenty-nine I still unashamedly enjoy some of the same things as I did when I was 9 or 19. I feel I have also learned a million life lessons…but I didn’t feel like that when turning 28…

…interesting.

It is a common notion that knocking on thirty’s door is a time of growing up ‘properly’ once and for all. No more excuses for bad behaviour or for not looking after yourself. Spontaneous drinking sessions with friends fade and those annoying things start to batter at your walls…
…expectations.

As the big 3 0 looms closer, there are suddenly one hundred and one expectations placed20170411_102615 on us. ‘When are you having kids?’ and ‘When are you getting married?’ …are the most frequently asked questions if you haven’t already done those things. Of course, millions treasure the idea of domestic bliss…but not all. There are still those who are happy to embrace the opportunities that arise from simply being one with oneself. The absence of responsibility and obligation is its own fairy-tale and it’s not one that we can all give up easily. It is a little bewildering as to why some view this as unusual or horrifying; ‘time is running out if you want to settle down!’. These kinds of responses can push us in to thinking we must act to keep up with the ‘norms’ of society, instead of growing old alone in a cardboard box somewhere as our heart really desires.

Even when you do embrace a life other than the domestic one, it won’t be good enough for everyone. If you haven’t completed their imaginary list of things to do before you’re thirty then you’re a big fat failure. When our minds cloud with other people’s expectations and ideals we ultimately lose ourselves. And that is the key to happiness at any age. The relationship with Self. Living in the moment by doing what you enjoy as an individual will attract what you truly want in life. Any energy dispelled on people who can only give you negative opinions, rather than adding value to your life, will only hold you back in the long run. They will make you second guess yourself, go against your gut and before you know it you’re knocking on the door of the next decade wondering where it all went wrong.

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People with expectations about how others should live have little going on in their own life (or they’re insecure so they pull others down with them). Let them do that while you do you with a happy mind, whatever your age. The moment you allow yourself to chase life validation you begin to fight a losing battle. Only misery and disappointment will ensue, simply because you’re not living your own truth.

So, in this last year of my twenties, I solemnly swear…to be myself. Young at heart with my mind closed to the expectations of others.

Corruption

The food you eat is filled with sugar
80% of shelves carry the bugger
Why do they make this devils’ food?
To keep them rich, to make you lose

Fructose isn’t for the body
The substance turns your body shoddy
Cut it out and you will see
That all of a sudden you feel free

Bad sleep, feeling tired, moods up and down
You’re on the sugar merry go round
In addition to this addictive substance
Are chemicals provided in abundance

Your child is bratty rude and snappy
You’ve tried everything now you’re feeling crappy
If they only eat food from the ground
You’ll find their mood is calm and sound

Whenever we have illness or body aches
We take meds till we hallucinate
One thing that they do not teach
Is that food is a healer, this we must preach

All you have to do is look it up
On videos and healthy books
It’s proven that the meds we take
Make a lot of issues and a lot of cake

Don’t get me wrong there are some
That can relieve a dicky tum
But if it’s longevity that you desire
Clean food and activity is what you require

Don’t keeping funding the corrupted pills
That put rich men on top of hills
The transition to goodness is hard to start
But your body will thank you from the heart

Social media is here to distort your brain
And to stop you thinking so refrain
From obsessing over peoples pages
Looking at ads, statuses and peoples babies

Bring yourself back to the real world
Let your mind become uncurled
See the planet for what it really is
A pot of corruption is where we live

Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram and all the others
Can recognise your voice, your face and our mothers
Drones of the rich is what we are
They will always watch us from afar

How can football make so many billions
Yet there are homeless people in the millions
How can someones’ divorce be front page news
When the elite of the world hand out abuse

Starving countries, a new war each year
Because all these leaders created fear
The only ones who feel the pain
Are civilians and soldiers who in vain

Try to end the plight of their current life
They don’t want oil, weapons or strife
Why do we have separate nations
When we’re all humans with equal stations

What we must realise
Is we must open up our eyes
We cannot change it from above
But we can promote peace and love

Liars

wp-1486732778738.jpgWe all lie at some point. Whether it be a fib, a white lie or a big dirty stinking lie that can only cause pain and distress. The amount you lie is based on your self-confidence, maturity and your compassion for others. People may lie to make themselves appear more important or intelligent than they are, to cover up their unacceptable actions and sometimes to avoid drama. Lies ultimately reflect on the people who told them. Nonetheless, there is nothing worse than being on the receiving end of one, as it can make you question your worth and your relationships. Anyone who is willing to pull the wool over your eyes does not usually have your best interests at heart and you have every right to consider them and their morals forever beneath you.

Having said that, it is not a good habit to just cut people off without trying to come to a resolution and understanding, although this is dependent on the liars behaviour afterwards. If they can be humble enough to admit they lied and they are clearly trying to make amends with you, then you should consider giving them the benefit of the doubt. We all get ourselves in a tangle at some point and before we know it we are spewing untruths left right and centre to try protect ourselves. Of course this only results in you digging a deeper hole for yourself. As much as the truth hurts or makes you cringe, it is the truth and it will set you free. Don’t know something? Admit it. Don’t like something. Admit it. You’re feeling a negative emotional response to someone? Admit it. Keeping Secrets for someone else? Don’t get involved in the first place. Hiding feelings and shame creates new tangles and you have to spend your energy trying to untie yourself from the deceit.
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Forgiveness is also dependant on who the liar is. The lies of a beautiful stranger aren’t going to linger on your mind for too long. If it is friends or family though, you may find yourself extremely angry. Forgiveness comes from understanding and acceptance, so if you can see the logic in their lie, i.e. they were trying to protect you, then that must be considered. We tend to hurt those we love by trying to do the best for them without them knowing. You can never know 100% how to help someone so tread with caution and act in truth if you don’t want the relationship to turn sour. If the lie cannot be justified then feel free to send this person to the nearest exit. Unnecessary lies from friends and family are time consuming and emotional, so if they had no business being in your business, keep them at arm’s length in future.

wp-1486732781882.pngIf you are the liar, then the first thing you need to accept is that you were caught in a lie and now everything you do and say is in question. The person you lied to may feel they never knew you in the first place. Privileges with friends and family could be lost, such as being someone’s confidant, social opportunities and generally just being a part of their lives. Some people find it difficult to trust anyway, so if you have been cut off by someone like this, then you may have to accept the end of a friendship.

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The bottom line is, this universe doesn’t have room for lies. Whether it takes an hour, a day, a year or a decade, THE TRUTH WILL OUT. Save yourself turmoil by only speaking truths. If you don’t lie you don’t have to try remember what you made up! Nobody can get upset with you for being honest and if they do, it is because they can’t face the consequences themselves. Secure people don’t lie because they wouldn’t threaten their own peace and wellbeing, or lead those they love into a false sense of security.

Forever Unique

The world makes you feel like your lagging behind

And you end up confined to a box in your mind

If success comes easy it isn’t success

What you want is naked it doesn’t come dressed

 

Furnish your idea with what you feel

Good or bad from the heart it’s real

Tainted words of jealous eyes

Only make for an uncomfortable ride

 

Take criticism with a pinch of salt

If others don’t like it it’s not your fault

Individual thoughts are forever unique

As are your words if truth you speak

 

You can jump on the popular train

But there won’t be much use for your brain

If it’s purely money that you’re after

You’re not a creative you’re a grafter

 

Van Gough was unknown until he died

Yet he still left a legacy behind

The more you focus on the deeds of others

The more you’ll fall and hide under covers

 

If I never become a famous writer

I did what I loved to make life lighter

And if no one recalls my written word

I know there were some who truly heard.

WHY WOMEN CHEAT

wp-1484917822523.jpgThe last blog post referred to men being animalistic and how this is the main driver of their cheating. Women on the other hand are mostly governed by their heart and tend to cheat due to emotional issues they are experiencing in the relationship.

The majority of women just want to be a man’s number one and to have him show that to the rest of the world. Inappropriate behaviour such as contacting, touching and getting emotionally close to another woman is very damaging to the current woman’s wellbeing. She will begin to feel worthless and have low self-esteem. As is the nature of…well…human nature, it is much easier for a woman to get a man into bed than it is for a man to get a woman into bed. Such opportunities make it easy for women who are emotionally broken to seek comfort and confidence from another man. This does make them feel better and the vision of her current relationship will fade into nothingness as she explores this new exciting venture. It is also easier to justify cheating this way too, although I doubt men see it that way!  If your woman is starting to turn inward then you should be considering whether you are making her feel like number one. If you never intend to make her your number one then it is much kinder to let her go than leave her feeling lonely. Cheating is never okay, although when a woman cheats you can usually create a timeline of  how it happened.

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Extreme circumstances where women cheat (and it is becoming more of an occurrence in these materialistic times), is when they have a scarily large ego with low self-worth. Self-confidence is a beautiful thing but seeking to destroy others to fill yourself up is not. Some women cannot help themselves and they see every other female as competition. Job, looks, clothes, figure, humour, intelligence you name it they will compare every last detail of themselves to someone they are jealous of…and they may even look to your man for self-validation. Unfortunately, there are those out there who actually enjoy trying to take someone else’s partner just prove their worth to themselves. Women who have partners themselves whilst doing this are seriously messed up and will most likely need counselling to resolve their issues. Not only are they stripping away their dignity, they are also putting their man’s wellbeing at risk. Any man dating a woman with this nature should back off quick because she will break your heart, your head and your wallet. Such behaviour in a woman is usually accompanied with other behaviour like gossiping about other women, excessive drinking, attention seeking and maybe even drugs.

Another common but saddening reason women cheat is when they are being physically abused or mentally manipulated. As per my previous blog post ‘Emotional Manipulation’, it takes a number of mental processes to be exhausted for someone to leave such a relationship. It can be brought to an end by the woman seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with another man. Often it is helplessness and fear that keep women in such relationships and the presence of a new man can create a feeling of safety, allowing the woman to break free by cheating with them. This new relationship may not work out, however, it served a purpose of getting rid of the ‘problem’.

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Some women have just had enough of men altogether! They have experienced all the above and have got the t-shirt to prove it. As a result they no longer care about love and only care about what they can get out of it for themselves. Date a kitchen fitter to get your kitchen sorted, date a builder to get that extension, marry a wealthy man then divorce him for his money and so on. These women have literally had their heart broken and have made a firm decision to let it turn to stone rather than heal. So if she seems overly keen about what you can give her, you may have just pulled a woman who wants to take you for a ride then kick you to the curb. These people need the compassion of others to help them heal and some may never come back to love.

wp-1484917426878.jpgSo, where temptation is a man’s weakness, emotions are the woman’s, particularly the feeling of loneliness. If you can’t talk about the problems in the relationship then end it, as cheating is ultimately a soul destroyer for both sides.