Pet Giveaway

 

This week alone I have seen

Five unwanted cats

I must wonder if

These people know the facts

 

Firstly, it did not choose you

You wanted it badly

For you or your kid

You took that cat home gladly

 

It settles in and feels happy

The cat has found its feet

Every morning when it wakes

It is you it wants to greet

 

After some months or years

It cannot believe its luck

That it has found a home

Which is better than a pig in muck

 

Tail high it wanders round

Basking in your love

Rubbing on furniture

And giving you lots of hugs

 

Then you decide one day

You can’t have it anymore

Moving house or a new baby

Makes the cat become a chore

 

Suddenly you want rid

For your own selfish ends

Why take it in the first place

And make this pet your friend?

 

Pets are your family

Not a toy to be thrown away

Just because it can’t speak

Doesn’t mean it’s not in pain

 

That animal is a spirit

That wanders just like you

And now you have broke it

It doesn’t know what to do

 

A new home means

New people and new smells

The feeling is overwhelming

Your ex pet becomes a shell

 

It is looking for you

Upstairs and down

But all it sees is a stranger

With a concerned frown

 

That’s just the lucky ones

Who get a new home

The others go to cattery’s

Where they feel more alone

 

The next time you decide

To get yourself pet

Remember it is for life

It can’t be dumped at the vet

 

There is only one time

Saying goodbye is okay

When you can’t afford to feed it

And it will end up a stray

 

That pet treasured you

You fit it like a glove

I hope you aren’t thrown away

By someone you love…

Clichés

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Staring down the barrel of a gun

My life flashes before me

I only feel relief

Then I come back to my senses

And I only feel grief

 

Looking through the looking glass

I see a different version of myself

I only feel loss

Then I look away again

And wish I gave a toss

 

Standing on my own two feet

Is becoming too much to bear

I only feel hurt

Then my knees buckle

And I am sat in the dirt

 

Everything happens for a reason

Is what they always tell me yet

I only feel pain

Why can’t the storm end

And leave me with the rain

 

Falling asleep at the wheel

Is becoming a common theme

I only want sleep

Why do they have to wake me

And invade my lonely keep

 

Actions speak louder than words

Is what is rammed down my throat

I only want silence

These voices are too loud

And I want to end them with violence

 

Love is blind and so is hate

I can no longer see ahead

I only feel confusion

Why does it feel like my life

Is really an illusion?

 

Curiosity killed the cat

And hung it out to dry

I only feel wonder

Why can’t it be black and white

to still my emotional thunder

 

You’re killing me with clichés

Is what I had to tell them

I only feel alone

No one could ever understand

Why I love his every bone

 

How to make your relationship last

wp-1475784422340.jpgWe spend our time looking for a life partner and along the way we make many mistakes. From diving in head first with the wrong person and planning our future in a week, to then rejecting the next one who treats us like royalty. Couples can break up after a month, a year, ten years or even 50 years! So…how do you know if you are with the right person and how can you make your relationship last?

Ultimately, it comes down to compatibility and understanding.

There is always that ‘perfect couple’ who people think will never ever split up. I guarantee you that they still have their dramas behind closed doors. The difference is, they care enough about each other and their relationship to not LET anyone else get involved… in any aspect of it. We all need to vent about our partners now and again, however, a social media rant or telling everyone you see about your problems will only escalate your drama. If you need to speak to someone other than your partner about your relationship, then ensure it is someone you trust. So that is rule number one…Keep your relationship drama between you and your partner at all times…where possible. The more people that know your business the more your problems are talked about and remain unresolved.

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The most unstable circumstances in a relationship usually come from someone making a huge mistake. Cheating, lying and manipulation make for painful wounds that can last a lifetime. It is key that you either forgive, forget or walk away. We always look for that in-between place that allows us to move on from the relationship and yet keep one foot on it just in case. That place does not exist. What does exist is resentment, suspicion, anxiety and heartache. It may take you months to decide the next step but even so, take your time to think. Was the mistake so big you have to walk away? Or do you truly believe they love you and will do better to keep you in their lives? Those questions can only be answered by you.

Having a partner, especially one you live with, means you have to make an EFFORT to put yourself in their shoes from time to time. If you are the dominant one in the relationship, you may drown out your partners voice by either reacting too quickly and aggressively, or by dismissing their concerns as unwarranted. This will lead to the relationship breaking down. It has to be a partnership where you listen to each other, even if you really do not want to hear it. And should you reach an impasse, efforts should be made to compromise, negotiate and give in. This does take practice but the more you do it the more structure you create to resolve problems quickly and efficiently. If you cannot have a discussion without screaming at each other, then you need to go back to basics and figure out how your relationship escalated in this negative way.

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Once you have reached the place where dramas can be contained and resolved, it is time to start anticipating each other’s needs.  Each person has life pressures that they have to manage both together as a couple and as individuals. These stresses can be work, money, time management, health problems and everything else in-between. Showing affection for your partner by making their coffee in a morning, or surprising them with a gift will boost their mood and make them feel loved. A common stress and a large contributor to relationships breaking down, are household chores. After working your shift, you may want to lay your head or eat some grub and someone is telling you, in a stressed tone, that you need to wash up, get the kids, hoover the house and blah blah blah. The reality is, you are both responsible for the life you are building together. Whether you have to take it in turns or make a rota, you should have processes (yes processes!) in place to manage your lives effectively for the sake of each other’s well being.

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A crucial aspect of having a healthy relationship is letting each other be an individual. It is unhealthy to be with the same person 24/7 and you should spend some of your time honing your sense of self. This may be a sport you do once a week, catching up with your friends or just having a couple of hours alone to reflect on life. This will give you something fresh to talk about and it will help you grow, both individually and together. At the same time, you need to remain on the same page in relation to joint decisions such as marriage, children and finances.

Lastly, have fun! Getting stuck in a rut is completely normal but if you choose to stay in the rut, more problems will surface down the line. Someone will eventually get bored and start to question exactly why they are in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Life is for living, so if you want to stay with your partner for the rest of your life, you have to try new things and push yourselves out of your comfort zones. Make couple goals, plan holidays, go camping and dance and sing together in your living room!

So there you have it. Go forth, be happy, be open and MAKE AN EFFORT for each other.

Children Over Parents

wp-1475513162000.jpgThe first thing any parent needs to remind themselves is…your kid did not ask to exist. You and your partner at the time either decided to plan a baby or it ‘just happened’. Interestingly, many parents say they used protection and it didn’t work. Okay…that may be the case for a very small portion of parents but we all know that the majority were thinking of the unprotected pleasure, rather than the pregnancy consequences! No judgement here, however, you are both responsible for the outcome of that union.

So when the baby is on the way and the parents realise they despise each other, what happens next? Well, this post would be far too long if I addressed every possible situation, so I have chosen five instances that appear to be prominent in today’s society. Please be assured that I am not here to bash anyone. I just want to give some food for thought. I did ask two single parents (male and female!) who have been through some similar situations to read it and provide me with feedback. Their responses were very positive and they even gave me additional points to discuss. I hope my readers feel the same and find this post constructive. Should you wish to provide comments, please inbox me on any social media platform, rather than starting a Facebook war!

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So here it goes…

  1. Absent Fathers

As stated in my previous posts, women are much more emotionally vulnerable than men when it comes to sex. A man who is just looking for a one-night stand will be mortified if that night results in pregnancy. Whether they stay around is dependent on their morals and decency as a human. A younger bloke in their late teens or early twenties may be too overwhelmed and bury their head in the sand. A man who is just absent of emotion may project aggression towards the mother to be or insist the child is nothing to do with them. This can be very distressing for the mother of the child. They are left feeling used, unwanted and alone, which can lead to feelings of distress and self-loathing. Not a great start for your unborn child is it? If you are a father to be and you can relate to this…give your head a shake. That seed you sprayed is still your responsibility! If you cannot build a relationship with the Mother, then you need to make this known as early as possible. And you still need to make an effort to be a support system to her until that baby arrives. Women go through all sorts of different emotions during pregnancy so be prepared for a rollercoaster. Once the baby arrives you can start to pull away from the Mothers immediate surroundings and create a comfortable home for your baby at your house for when you have him/her. At least the child will grow up with two loving parents, rather than one, distressed and abandoned Mother. Best of all, you can at least say you did everything you could to make the situation peaceable for all. If you decide to just be absent for the child’s entire life, you are already creating emotional problems for them and the Mother…as well as being liable for thousands of pounds of child maintenance money.

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  1. Controlling Mothers

We know that having babies creates some chemical reaction in women’s brains. How many times have you heard, ‘until you have a child of your own you just won’t understand’? As children grow into self-sufficient beings, the mothers start to miss the dependency and comfort of a baby.  This is not the case for every woman though. I have many friends that say they definitely do not want anymore. However, the women that do feel like this can have major control issues if they have drama with their baby father. I personally feel that if two parents are unable to communicate effectively for the sake of their child, then there is no other choice but to respect each other’s parenting decisions. Children are very adaptable and as long as each parent is consistent in their ways, the child will be accustomed to different rules in different houses. If the Mother tries to control every aspect of the child’s life when they are with their father, then major arguments will begin to surface. There is only one victim here…the child. They do not deserve to be in the middle of any parental squabble. The woman may feel that they did all the hard work by carrying the child and giving birth, so they have the right to dictate every aspect of its life. Sadly, that is untrue. The baby would not be in your arms if the man had not laid down with you. Your child is half another person no matter how much you may deny it to yourself. If you continue to be controlling and attack the father, it is likely the child will make up their own mind as to who they want to be around as they get older. What company would you prefer? The screaming, shouting unreasonable one or the loving, hardworking ‘just trying to do the right thing’ one? Unless there are serious concerns, leave the father be and let them parent how they wish when the child is with them. That then allows the Mother to have some well-deserved ‘me time’, instead of creating unnecessary dramatics.

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  1. Children having children

I would never speak ill of young mothers and fathers. I know people who had children at 16 years old and they are fabulous parents. One thing to consider though is, have you lived your life before having children? Often peer pressure can cause teenagers to have sex when they are not ready and these unions may result in a child having a child. For any teenager reading this, please protect yourself. Build your own foundations before taking on a huge responsibility such as a child. Have some savings behind you, a stable home and a partner who loves and respects you. Most importantly, go live your life. Unless you have stacks of cash or a dozen nannies at your disposal, you will have to put travelling the world, going to university and wild nights on hold until your child is older. Another aspect is your mental wellbeing. If you are an immature teenager who is expecting a child, you need to grow up quick. Babies cannot be left alone, negotiated with or traded for another life. You made that bed and you will have to lay in it!

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  1. The revengers

The revengers can encompass all of the above and a whole lot more. A couple may have been together for 20 years with three children then they split…and the rise of the revengers begins. This is the most common situation that I have come across. The one you hear about from your friends and see on social media. When parents have a major showdown about how much they absolutely detest each other and how the other one is the worst parent in the world. These are the people that forget children come first and they are so wrapped up in their own feelings, they can only feel hate and revenge for their ex. Slating your baby father/mother online is pointless for a number of reasons. First of all, nobody really cares about your dramas you just look immature and to be honest, a little sad. You are angry because you are powerless. Social media is the only outlet that makes you feel better because you can get your point across to a million and one people. Then if you’re lucky, one of those people will show your baby father/mother your comments, prompting them to start their own rants. One question though, how does these actions benefit you and your child? Do you think they will be happy to read these comments back in the future? Do you think they will respect you for it? Just bear in mind that no matter how you feel about your ex, your child will love them regardless because they are half of them and are loved by them. Is that not the most important thing here? If you cannot put your hate aside so that your child can have a positive relationship with your ex, then you shouldn’t be a parent. Any serious issues in relation to access or concerns about parenting methods can be resolved in court. Go down that route instead of acting like a child and embarrassing yourself for the whole world to see.

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  1. Entrapment

This is one of the most serious and soul destroying acts of all…telling someone you are using protection when really you are not. Many women get so wrapped up in love it can become an unhealthy obsession. Couples are not two halves of the same soul; they are individual spirits. Lying to your partner already brings destruction into your relationship. You cannot lie to have a baby and then pretend it happened by accident. Even if your man is happy that a baby is on the way, you can’t change the fact you lied to him. That lie will forever taint you and your relationship. If you are desperate to have a baby to keep the man you love, then you have to realise this is not the man for you. Or perhaps it is not the right time. A child should be brought into this world with love, so don’t start its life off on the wrong foot by evil doing!

So there you have it. Love it or hate it, Defined by Thrine cares about the youth of today. Let us raise them with positivity and love, even if it hurts us to make the right decision. The most important fact to remember is, everything calms down with time if both parties are willing to negotiate for the sake of their children. I promise that when I finally have a child, I will revisit this post to see of my opinion has changed.

Why am I still single?

 

Looking for love can be an exhausting affair. And affairs are sometimes the reason why they are exhausting! We all see that fairy tale couple who seem to have it all and we are left thinking ‘aw I want that’. If you are single, then it is likely you get asked all those questions that make you want to tell people to go away and mind their own business…’are you seeing anyone?’, ‘Do you want to?’, ‘You best start now if you want kids!’, ‘I know someone you can date!’. Those of you who are happily single will probably not care, however, if you are looking to settle down, these comments can be quite depressing.

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There are many awesome males and females looking for love and they just keep coming up short. The biggest love killer I can see is people jumping in head first. Now I must admit, I do believe that some people can meet each other and instantly know it is true love…but even so, it should still be taken slow. The first few weeks/months are crucial to a blossoming relationship and you need to know what you are up against from the word go.

These days, people have sex with each other within the first few weeks of meeting. This in itself can kill a relationship off, as the chase is over before it has even started. The sex has been committed under purely physically circumstances. It is usually the men that start to give the cold shoulder first and individuals like this almost always have more than one lady on the go. Men are more animal in their natures than women, so if you meet a guy in a club and give him sex that night, or even within the month, he already has what he wants from you. He may not be concerned with what your mind has to offer now that the fun part is over.

Women who act this way are generally either confused about what they want, or they are trying to heal from previous heartbreak, by getting validation from someone else. When it comes to sex, women can be much more vulnerable and naive than men. They may think that giving themselves up to a man will ensure his interest in the long term. For the man, it may not even still be about sex once the deed is done. A man could then find a woman’s cleaning, house or even her money useful but ultimately they are just free loading for comfort. They are not there to get to know her ‘spiritual self’. It is the intertwining of our spiritual selves in a truthful way that manifests a loving relationship.

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If you do meet someone and you manage to progress for a couple of months, you need to realise it will still be years before you know this person properly. As I said in the ‘Sex’ post, we keep our darkness hidden from our partners and only show them the light to keep them interested. However, it is inevitable that the darkness will seep out at some point, so honesty from the beginning will strengthen your bond later down the line.

I truly believe the best way to find love is to stop looking for it and change your habits. If you go to the same places every day or every weekend, then your life will never change. Allowing yourself to have new experiences in new places and setting yourself goals, will enable you to strengthen your sense of self. Once you have mastered the ‘self’ you will find that you attract more people, as your new strong and confident aura is doing the pulling for you. If you feel desperate, needy and lonely, you will come across desperate, needy and lonely. It is a harsh truth but one that can be remedied by just making yourself a priority.

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When the right person comes into your life you will know about it. They could be in your life right now but you have not considered them as a partner before. The true love of your life will not have an agenda, cancel at the last minute, brush you off, blatantly lie, embarrass you, insult you or use you in any way. They will just want to be with you and do things for you that make you happy. Most importantly, you must know your worth. If a situation does not feel completely right, then trust your gut and get out of there!

 

Women: Rivalry and Envy

Have you ever been somewhere and a beautiful woman walks into the room? Did you notice how people react? The majority of men would probably either steal a quick glance, ogle openly or perhaps make a crude (occasionally respectful) remark about the woman’s ‘charms’. The other women in the room will do EXACTLY the same but 9 times…no we’ll say 8 times…out of 10 they will follow with an unnecessary insult or sly remark like, ‘She has got extensions in’, ‘her legs are big’, or may be more aggressively ‘who the fuck does she think she is?’. This last one makes me laugh out loud. The response in my mind is ‘whoever the fuck she wants to be’.

Look at the pictures below of 5 women who are considered to be some of the most beautiful women in the world. They look nothing like each other! And they are all successful for completely different reasons. What do they have in common? They go after what they want with humility and grace. They commend other women on their achievements…and when you consider their own achievements, their looks do not matter because they used their brains more than anything else. I am not going to sit here typing and imply I have never been one of those unreasonably bitchy women. I definitely have. And so have you…you bitch.

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These types of negative feelings for other women can be destructive to your confidence and self-esteem. This can result in worrying behaviour such as insulting random women or even attacking them verbally and physically. If you continually compare yourself to the woman in the magazine, on the street, in your gym etc then you are going to lead a somewhat miserable existence. The beauty of women is that they are all unique in looks and talent. I was once in discussion with a friend about fitness and she said ‘I’ll never achieve your shape’. She actually looked quite sad telling me this and all I could do was laugh in her face. I had always wished I could achieve her shape! I just was not built with her frame, just like she was not built with mine! When you see pictures in the media they are nearly all photo shopped in one way or another. Look at the images below of these women whom are idols to many. The before pictures are more beautiful to me because they are realistic.

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BritneyIt would be ignorant to assume that this blog post is about beauty only. Many women can feel competitive or threatened over another woman’s intelligence or talent. The ones you see making a happy successful life for themselves are the ones who stopped caring what other people think. I held my blog back for some time in case someone disagreed with it. How ridiculous am I?! Ultimately we cannot please everyone so we should spend time nurturing ourselves. Everyone has strengths, it is just figuring out what they are and utilising them to serve yourself in the best possible way. Once you accept yourself warts and all, the only way is up.

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Since realising this for myself in the last year or so, I have naturally attracted people of the same mind set. Interestingly, I have also lost the negative people. Whether they think I am up my own arse, pretentious or whatever, it is irrelevant to me now. It really is not my business how others feel about me! The new relationships I have formed and the old ones I have nurtured have now become a sea of inspiration. I lift my friends up, celebrate their achievements, I tell them to get that money, get that man and they reciprocate for the simple reason that they care about me. Now imagine how powerful women would be if we treat each other this way regardless of how familiar we are with each other.

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A few times, particularly in the gym, if I see a woman with cool trainers or nice garms, I tell them. If I think they are doing a good job, I tell them. If I want to know how they did something I ask them. It really is easy to be encouraging and polite to other women if you let all the bullshit go. On occasion there are people you meet and you instantly think ‘I do not like them’. You cannot like everything about everybody but instead of bashing them, find one thing you like and concentrate on that. Leading by example can have positive effect on your surroundings. After all, you get out of people what you put in and you could soon find yourself with a network of amazing women at your disposal.

So despite what the woman you dislike looks like or does, just be pleasant and say hello. You might start on the beautiful path that is friendship. Let us empower each other!