Addiction

newproject_1_original-6Addiction lives everywhere, out in the open, behind closed doors, within families, between friends and between co-dependent partners. Some addictions are not immediately life threatening. Many people still smoke every day and drink every weekend. In society these are the lesser evils because they do not immediately ruin lives. They may kill you in the end but the impact on those surrounding you are, for the most part, minimal. Unless of course you’re a raging alcoholic. Most addicts are addicts in secret. They are used to operating in secret by covering up their ‘signs’ and they usually have ‘enablers’, who can be just as detrimental as the addiction itself.

Sadly, as a society we are quick to judge addicts, particularly those whose problems involve Class A drugs such as heroin and crack. ‘Bag head’, ‘tramp’, ‘druggy’, ‘user’, ‘addict’, ‘you should be ashamed of yourself’ etc. Unfortunately, addiction isn’t easy to break, hence why some people remain addicts all their life. Breaking addictions takes enormous, willpower, bags of love and in some cases absolute force. The difficulty of this is that families usually fall apart one way or another and the support isn’t there. This could be due to the addict relying on thieving, lying, scheming and manipulating, to gain whatever substance or elation they are seeking.

20170729_124355The only way to start removing addiction from someone’s life is to first stop their enabler. Enablers are the people who provide the means for addictions to continue. These people are always prevalent where addiction lives, particularly gambling addiction. The addict can spend their entire months wage on bets in a single day and the enabler will replace that for them, usually because they are terrified at what will happen if they let them sink. It is imperative though that you LET THEM SINK. Don’t be fooled by love or obligation. You are literally helping this person destroy themselves and the life they have built. In the moment you refuse to ‘enable them’ they will say absolutely anything to change your mind, ‘I will kill myself’, ‘I will tell people your secrets’, ‘I have no money for food’. This can be alarming and it takes a morally strong person to see through the deceit and say ‘HELL NO’. Nine times out of ten the addict won’t do anything, they have just hit rock bottom and will resort to any means to manipulate you. Even if they did take drastic action at your refusal, that responsibility lies with them not your conscience. The more you enable addictions to continue, the less likely they will ever end, meaning you are20170729_124419 also now in the vicious cycle. When you have nothing more to give, the addict will push for you to bring in another enabler to fund the addiction. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that the wheels will eventually drop off because there isn’t an endless supply of money. The addict will either end up homeless or facing the music of the person they were hiding their addiction from. The only way out is ultimate acknowledgement and acceptance. An addict must really feel what they have done to others and themselves and let it consume them, so they can resolve to do better and start to rebuild their own self-worth.

Self-esteem plays a major part in addiction. For instance, gambling may not be the root issue, it could just be symptom of something deeper like anxiety, depression or trying to fund substance abuse. Substance abuse can stem from manipulation, control or physical abuse at the hands of someone else, whether in childhood, adolescence or in a very present situation. Whatever the facts of the case, don’t be too quick to dismiss an addict. Of course there are those that have completely fallen off and can’t be brought back but many are crying on the inside to be saved.

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Dealing with an addict is a balancing act. You don’t want to be a hero and risk your own life being stolen to fund the vices of an addict and you don’t want to completely ignore their plight. If you are personally suffering in such a situation then you need to create and implement your own strict rules. This could be never having the addict your house, however, you will arrange to meet them elsewhere such as a café. Stop giving them money but offer emotional support and be their voice of reason. Prevent yourself being emotionally entangled by their pleas of desperation by being brutally honest. ‘I can’t eat today’ they say and you respond ‘but you could’ve if you hadn’t wasted the money you had yesterday on your addiction’. 20170729_124527This may sound cruel, although it does put the addict in a place where they have to consider and be accountable for their actions and the circumstances they have created for themselves. Remind them of their potential and how much you love them, even if it falls on deaf ears. If you have the strength to continue this mantra then it may progress to you convincing them to seek professional help once and for all. Leaving addiction behind takes baby steps so don’t get frustrated if the addict takes five steps forward and ten steps back. As long as you are protecting your own interests and wellbeing that’s all that matters. If they never change, at least you know you did everything in your power to help them in the correct way.

If the addict does not get to a point where they want to change their life for the better then it may be wise to accept this and exit their life for good.

THE TRUTH ABOUT THE CONTRACEPTIVE PILL

newproject_1_originalBefore we get into the dark ‘truth’ about these Monday to Sunday pills, we should get ourselves familiar with the back story. Basically, society want to have sex without getting pregnant and without the restriction of condoms. The condom part is largely male driven because let’s face it…. women just want to feel erm…full. Pardon my crudeness. Interestingly, the pill was only initially available to married women when it was released in 1961. God forbid we should be caught with our knickers down if we didn’t have a husband. ‘That girl ought to be ashamed of herself!’. This rule lasted all of six years because the pharmaceutical companies realised ‘Hey there is a large profit to be made here!’. Hence why your doctor prescribes meds for everything instead of encouraging natural ways of healing…but that’s clearly a blog for another day!

Now, according to this article http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15984258 , the contraceptive pill has been called the greatest scientific invention of the 20th Century. Which it probably is…for men. This article also states that 70% of women in the UK are on the pill or have taken it at some point in their lives. Now that is scary. As you have been patient in reading this introduction, all shall now be revealed. Side note: I felt it important to share this in case other women are struggling and they can’t figure out why.

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I have been known to my family as RUTH. Short for RUTHLESS. Not a very endearing name to say the least. From the age of 14 years old I went on the pill to regulate and reduce the pain of my period. Had those side effects been the only ones I may still be on it now. For the next ten years of my life I would have a cloudy, angry mind, an extremely short fuse and endless migraines. The migraines were unbearable. The longest was 28 hours and I couldn’t leave my bed or come out from under the covers. Painkillers didn’t even dent them. I literally thought my brain was going to explode. During a shift at the bookies one day, my vision went blurry, I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t add up. I fell off my chair and pulled myself into the toilet and turned the light off until the duty manager arrived. On reflection, the symptoms suggested a minor stroke but because I was 19 and naive, I dismissed it.

It’s hard to say which was the most difficult, the migraines or the moods. If I was calling a company about a bill I would end up flipping even if the advisor I was speaking to was giving world class customer service. But to me the inconvenience of having to take 5 minutes out of my day to make a premium call to a company I don’t want to speak to was torture. Even during dialling I would hyperventilate with anger and just wait for a reason to start screaming. After these types of calls I would just sit and cry out of frustration and bae would be like ‘seriously though what did you get out of that’ and the guilt would set in.

Other instances have included calling my father derogatory names and telling him to get out of my life, ripping cables and wires out of walls, destroying my own possessions because being destructive helped rid me of the energy that took over my body. Because I had no rational thought I would spend my wages without a second thought and leave myself without basic needs such as food. Shopping also made me feel better…. which is ironic as I knew eventually I would destroy what I bought in a rage with my bare hands. The worst habit I got into, which I still do today but much more diplomatically, is tell people uncomfortable truths. If my comments upset my nearest and dearest I would just say something like ‘well the truth hurts…. bitch’. How awful! When I think back to how I felt during those years I could vomit in disgust.

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Whilst there were hundreds of occurrences like this, there was one thought I had which still makes me shiver now. The strong deep-seated feeling that I wanted to slowly tear somebody’s limbs off. I’d pray for a woman (or a man!) to start something so I could get into a scrap and rid myself of the strong feelings that were coursing through my veins like snakes. Had my love not loved me so much, I may have never recognised that I had lost my shit completely and needed to find a way back to rational thought. Neither of us considered the pill was the root cause so I tried exercising, eating healthy, getting more sleep, changing my surroundings….and alas nothing changed.

The penny dropped when I started to become conscious of what I was eating. Watching programmes like ‘The Sugar Documentary’ opened my eyes to what chemicals in foods do to the body. Consuming the parasitic chemicals in processed food could lead to serious illnesses such as cancer, as well as restricting day to day life due to the internal reactions they cause. Once I cleaned up my diet, I was devastated to find the feeling was still there lurking in the background. It was like a shadow that started at my feet, twisted up tightly around my body and finally made a permanent evil settlement in my brain, squeezing the life out of my rational thought.

So, after one particularly bad day of wanting to murder the world and smash up my house, I happened across the leaflet of the contraceptive pill I was taking. I’d never really given the side effects a thought before and my interest in how chemicals impacted on the brain and body roused my interest. In my contraceptive taking lifetime I used Microgynon, Yasmin and Cilest so I decided to look at the side effects in more detail (on an actual PC because phones didn’t have standard internet then…lol). The points below are the side effects I personally experienced from taking the contraceptive pill and these are listed in their literature-

  • Headaches/Migraines
  • a change in the pattern or severity of migraine headaches
  • Increased chance of blood clotting
  • Depression
  • Rise in blood pressure
  • Disturbance in liver function
  • Mood swings

Serious Side effects

  • sudden and severe headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance

In the case of Yasmin, 6.7% women were discontinued from the clinical trials due to an adverse reaction and yet this product is available to young girls and women around the world!

After some discussion with bae, I decided to just stop taking it. I didn’t go to my doctor as I didn’t feel they would take me seriously. Every time I discussed contraception they tried to convince me to get the implant in my arm. Having heard and seen horror stories about the implant, I told my doctor I didn’t want to be asked about this again and I asked him to make a note of this on my file.

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The Results

Well, what can I say…a week in with no pill down my neck and I felt like a phoenix rising from the flames. My mind was clearer than it had been since my school days. My brain went to the laughter function quite easily and never strayed into angry thoughts. If it tried to, I could acknowledge them and send them away. I was rational again! The heavy cloud of being misunderstood and miserable floated away to find some other poor soul. Bae said it was like he’d met me for the first time all over again. Then that got me thinking, how many relationships have fallen apart because of this? How many women were feeling worthless, misunderstood, depressed and/or suicidal? From that moment on I told myself I would never put my reproduction system in the hands of a man made chemical again. Inhibiting my eggs for years at a time was not natural to me and the thought of potential damage to my cycle consumed me. Luckily, everything settled down after around three months or so. Experiencing a proper period after 10 years was hard going but I took joy from knowing my body was functioning as nature intended, not as a man in a lab intended.

Since my experience, I have seen other women go through the same struggle. During a camping trip, my usually kind hearted and fun friend was in a foul mood. Her temper was so short she threw a bag of metal pans at her brother! Immediately after she felt so consumed with anger, regret and upset she even exclaimed ‘what’s wrong with me?!’. She too stopped taking the pill and felt rational and happy after just a week too. So, whether you agree with the pill or not, the struggle is real for many women and they are better off using the natural method. If this story sounds familiar to you, I urge you to stop taking it for just a few weeks and I guarantee you will feel a million times better!

 

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2007/sep/12/health.medicineandhealth

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/sexual-health/a7829/cilest-ethinylestradiol-and-norgestimate/

http://www.rxlist.com/yasmin-side-effects-drug-center.htm

http://www.dokteronline.com/en/microgynon-30/package-leaflet/

Why you’re not losing weight

wp-1486578798184.jpgThis can be answered with one simple sentence, ‘because you are dieting’. If diets worked, then the dieting industry wouldn’t be worth £2 billion in the UK alone. Diets are created to make money. The sooner you realise this the sooner you will lose weight and save yourself money. In reality they are in fact a quick fix. Meal replacement shakes such as slim fast should get your alarm bells ringing. ‘Meal replacement’…hmm, why would you want to replace a meal? The concept is of course based on restricting calories, or removing certain foods from your eating habits, such as those containing fats and carbohydrates. Your body needs these to function properly so cutting them from your eating is only going to be detrimental to you. The majority of foods we buy from supermarkets are processed and full of sugar. Even light or low fat options contain scary amounts of sugar which majorly contribute to weight gain. Look at these two Greek yoghurts from the same manufacturer. One is full fat and other is fat free. Shockingly, the low fat option has more sugar than the full fat one.
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Consuming too much sugar causes metabolic dysfunction resulting in weight gain and high blood pressure. This is how ‘healthy’ food manufacturers make their money. By selling to an uneducated public. People hear the word ‘fat’ or ‘carbohydrate’ and think they are bad things. Good carbs like those from wholegrains keep your hunger pangs at bay because they release energy slowly. They also have a lower amount of starch than white grains. Starch is another ingredient that can cause blood sugar levels to go haywire. Look at cans of pop (for which I have a personal hatred), a can of Coca Cola has almost three teaspoons of sugar in it, more than what most people put in a brew! If you start to look at the sugar content of pre-packaged foods in the supermarkets, you will recoil in horror. It is in everything! Sadly, the rise of the processed food industry and fast food chains has made us a lazy society. Many households just cannot be bothered to cook food from scratch or be concerned at all by their unhealthy lifestyle.

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Natural food can be a great healer and I would recommend anyone to test this for just four weeks (note: the first week you will likely get withdrawal symptoms). The results to your wellbeing will be mind blowing. The reason for this is that many of us continually have sugar crashes every day without realising it, that’s what makes us negative, moody and run down. We are a society of sugar addicts. I strongly recommend clicking the link below to the sugar documentary so you can see the seriousness of this.

Many people I have spoken to about eating say they don’t eat healthy because they don’t like being hungry. Processed foods are designed to make people overeat and to ensure they remain sugar addicts. The simple fact is sugar makes people lazy. They are lazy because they are stuffed full of sugar, saturated fat and additives. The human body is not meant to be filled to the brim with food and chemicals 24/7. It is a machine that requires fuel to function. If you put too much petrol in your car it will spill out. If you put too much food in your body, you will be sick or gain weight. If you don’t put petrol in your car will not work. If you do not put food in your body, it will not work! So the aim is to get the right food in your body at the right time. Complex wholegrains give you energy, Vegetables give you antioxidants, protein builds muscle, good fats protect your organs and water assists cell renewal. It is a simple as that and I am completely unqualified!

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Once you have changed your processed lifestyle to a healthy one, you will undoubtedly gain extra energy. Use this to get your fitness going. Social media is overwhelmed with gym buffs and it can be a little daunting at first. Use their experience to your advantage by imitating workouts and pinching ideas. Fitness has to be built up bit by bit, you won’t have muscle or a leaner frame overnight. Willpower, willingness and four hours a week is all you need to start. If the gym is too much to bear then power walk, hike, take up a sport, go swimming or anything else you can think of. Even an hours gardening will cause you to sweat and you feel accomplished after. My favourite tool when starting out was YouTube. It is riddled with workouts for all abilities.

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So, before you reach for Weight Watchers pre packed food heed this warning; it is a temporary fix. Keeping weight off comes naturally when leading a consistent healthy lifestyle. To do this you need to muster all the willpower you can, otherwise you may cave and get stuck back in the sugar cycle. Food is either healthy or it isn’t and it comes down to choice. If you mange to make the transition, the greatest benefit is not only the new body you will acquire, it is the sense of achievement, increased confidence and a healthier you.

Forgiveness

wp-1483898817978.jpgDivorce, break ups and frenemies are much more prominent nowadays. A quarter of the children in the UK are being raised by a lone parent, as per the Office of Statistics and Lady Leshurr tells us that some girls change their friends more than their panties! It is a little sad that so many couples and old friends could not make it out of the darkness and stay together, or at least stay amicable to keep the peace.

Friends particularly fall out much easier and individuals will  refer to their friends ‘mugging them off’, or ‘talking BS’ about them to someone else. On social media, you see people unfriending lots of people at once to have a ‘clear out’ and others comment comically saying they ‘hope they make the cut’. This can also extend to family members… ‘were only family by blood’…this one can cause a whole new set of problems for the people involved.

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But how did society end up this way? When did we start throwing people out like yesterday’s trash without a second thought? Granted, sometimes we don’t have a choice and we need to protect ourselves from toxic people. Surely there is still room for forgiveness in our lives though? Forgiveness is now seen as a weakness when it is in fact a great strength. When someone wrongs us we naturally feel hurt and betrayed and we share these feelings with those who love us. Those who love us want to protect us and they may exhibit angry opinions at our circumstances and to the person who hurt us. They may even go as far as to tell you what action to take or to cut the person off completely. This is where lines start to get blurred. Instead of leading with our own heart and head we lead with someone else’s.
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To forgive someone, you should first want to forgive them. Is their mistake bigger than the relationship you have with them? Is one mistake in 5, 10 or 15 years’ worth throwing everything away? Ultimately it comes down to trust. In the immediate aftermath of the situation when emotions are raging, it is likely you will feel that you will never trust that person again. Trust can be rebuilt though and it takes an enormous effort on both sides. If the betrayer has no remorse or isn’t showing signs of trying to make it right, then you should cut them off. If they are, or you know that they have deep rooted issues, or are going through turmoil at the time the incident happened, you should not be hasty in your decision.
The bottom line is…GOOD PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS. Forgiveness is not a weakness, it is empowering. Being able to forgive means you have empathy, compassion and most importantly, a sense of humanity. Imagine it was you who did what that person did. How would you feel? Would you want one last chance to make things right? Would you wish for just one person to understand? We are all human and we all mess up, sometimes big and sometimes small. Losing someone you love because of a mistake you made can cause years of guilt and self-loathing. Do they deserve that? You can forgive and protect yourself from future betrayal at the same time. As the saying goes, ‘fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me’. You can forgive someone twice but it may mean a relationship overhaul to protect your mental wellbeing.

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A beautiful side effect of forgiveness is a deeper love for your partner, friend or family. A good person who has done a bad thing will forever hold you dear to their heart because you found forgiveness for them in yours. Don’t let feelings like hate, anger and resentment rule you or you will never have the capacity to forgive again.

New Year, New You?

wp-1483290035427.jpgI am sure you have had your fill of the ‘New Year, New Me’ proclamations but surely one more won’t hurt? That’s the spirit! Read on!

For some, 2016 was a great year and for others it was terrible times. We buy into the idea that a year will be for us or against us and so you hear people say things like ‘this year is my year!’ or ‘I’m glad to see the back of 2016!’.

New year resolutions are an effective way to give yourself a guilt free clean slate. For instance, most people start their diets or the gym in January and they are adamant they will be ripped the year after. On social media, many people are doing dry January to give their livers a break after the festive period. Other common resolutions are letting go of toxic people or trying to be a better individual. But why do we always wait until January to make these positive changes to our lifestyles?

Time is of course man made and based on the circadian rhythms of the earth. The first humans didn’t have any concept of time or age, they just lived until they died and survived in between knowing when dark came it meant sleep and when the sun rose it was time to find food. We are in a commercial age now where the year is planned for us by the governments and supermarkets and we are expected to take different action on each event i.e. dress up, buy presents, pray etc. New Year, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Summer holidays, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas and New Year’s Eve, Birthdays. I am sure you can think of others but those right there pretty much structure the year for us and we just happily go along with it. It puts us in a never-ending cycle of expectation and if you don’t earn much, you may struggle to do anything else in the year, other than pay for these events that have ultimately been thrust upon you.

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You must bear in mind that for the corrupt leaders of this world, it is much easier if our minds are occupied with these events. They seek to turn Christians and Muslims against one another. On TV, in magazines and on Instagram famous women wear less and less and enhance themselves more and more. It makes young women want to emulate them and they become less concerned with their brain power. Betting outlets and websites have increased at an alarming rate, as have porn websites. The young men of this world are susceptible to living in a virtual world where things like corrupt politics and unjustified bombings just go unnoticed. We live comfortable lives in the west whilst children starve in the east. Deforestation and climate change is hardly in the news these days yet they threat our very existence and the lives of animals…who have as much right to this earth as us. I could go on and on…

…the point I am getting to is this, if you want a new you in the new year, start living with your eyes open. If you can stop mistreatment or corruption then do it. If you can improve someone’s life by a small gesture do it. If you feel compassion and empathy for a stranger, tell them. Don’t be constrained and warped by a system forced upon you. If you don’t want to celebrate Christmas, you don’t have to! One thing thrine has learned this year is that love conquers all. Not love for your partner or family but love for humanity. It is time we stood up and took back our world. We may not see change for generations but the more we live with our eyes open and speak out against the evils of this world, the more chance the generations after us have of living in peace.

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No doubt you may be thinking this was a little cheesy and preachy, however, it had to be said. If you live for humanity by showing kindness and understanding, even to the cruellest of people, you make a positive change. That positivity will come back to you one way or another and if not, you can smile because this year you helped someone other than yourself.

Christmas Wars

wp-1481446743074.jpgWhether you think it or not you are in some sort of Christmas War, we all are. From fighting the queues in the shops to convincing your five-year-old Santa is real (because someone at school said he isn’t!), we all want that happy magical day. So how do we get through these festive times of stress?

Well, checking Facebook and Instagram posts I have found some common themes that cropped up last year…

The age old ‘I’m a better parent than my ex’

Number one so far on Facebook is baby mother/father drama. I’m not quite sure why I thought this wouldn’t be a reoccurring theme but it seems I am filled with too much Christmas hope that parents can get on for the sake of their kids. Let’s get this clear now, if you’re letting your ex drive your emotions so far that you must post on Facebook, then you haven’t fully moved on. Whether it is love or anger just let it go, let it go, they can’t hold you back anymore! Ultimately, kids don’t care if Mum spent £100.00 more than Dad, or if they open their presents at yours or Grandma Joan’s, they just want happy festive fun. So, if deadbeat other parent is not having the sprog over the holidays or they haven’t met your standards of buying, maybe you should keep your beak out of their business? You’re doing everything right, right? After all, they are nothing to do with you anymore, you just share kids! It is ‘social’ media not ‘personal’ media. Let it go, accept whatever your ex is doing with the kids and make sure YOUR time with them is memorable.

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‘I told my mum we’ll be there at 12pm’

When two people merge their lives, they must haggle over their ‘Christmas time’ and who gets it. You may spend the festive day at your mums for dinner, see Aunty Julie in the afternoon and then share a sherry with Grandad in the evening. Your partner protests this, as they have already told their mum you are going to hers for dinner! Major time consuming debates ahead to resolve…but there is an easy answer…stay at home! Why let your day be ruined by social dictators? If they want to see you and your kids so bad tell them you’re having Christmas at home and they are more than welcome to stop by for egg nog (said no one in the UK ever). You should anticipate some guilt tripping from family over Christmas, just remember, it is your day too and you are not obligated to spend it trying to people please.

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‘I can’t go to the pub, I’m skint mate’

How many of us get to January with empty wallets and pray we can make our pennies last until payday? The pressure of buying for lots of people, or getting literally everything your child wants can easily spoil the break. Where Christmas used to be a religious holiday, in its place lies an overly commercialised day which the media and high streets ram down our throats. Each year proud mothers post the pile for presents for their little one on Facebook, to show off their generosity (or stupidity depending on your view point) and general superiority as a parent. Take it from Thrine in the politest way…no one gives a damn what you buy your kid for Christmas. If you want to be suckered in to filling your house with crap and creating a brat in the process, that really is your business. To those with common sense, only spend what you can afford and don’t feel obligated to buy for adults. The day is about family and love, don’t let the materialistic aspects take over too much. If your children get to a point at Christmas where they openly tell you they don’t like their presents, or some presents remain untouched for months after then you have over done it…you have successfully created a spoiled brat. Lastly, adults deserve fun at Christmas too, so at least save yourself some money for a cheeky tipple!

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‘I don’t celebrate Christmas’         

You think you have it bad trying to plan Christmas? Think about those who don’t celebrate it! Almost everything in the UK is shut on Christmas Day. The High Streets, Supermarkets, Restaurants…you name it, it is shut, confining everyone to their homes. In addition to the inconvenience of the day, there is the big Christmas rush leading up to it. A non-Christian, non-Christmas day celebrator may need to go Primark for some socks in December and he/she is met with a snaking queue that stretches to the street outside. He/she seeks out the pound shop for some AA batteries but can’t even squeeze in the door due to some women fighting over the last Santa sacks. Help him out by doing most your buying online…in November!

So, there you have it, a little overview of ‘Christmas Wars’. Rest assured, there is a happier Christmas blog post in me somewhere. I will get it to you before the guy with the white beard comes down your chimney or when the cows come home…whichever happens first.