Birthday Blog

newproject_1_original-7Today is my birthday. (Edit…it was two days ago)

Born 9th April 1988, on the 100th day of the year, on the 142nd Grand National Day, just after 1pm. My dad lost his bet…a great start.

Throughout my twenty-nine years on this earth I have pretty much had as much freedom as I have wanted. What a beautiful thing. Reflecting on that, I admit I did not use that freedom wisely most of the time, which is selfish when considering how much some people would simply like freedom. On turning twenty-nine I still unashamedly enjoy some of the same things as I did when I was 9 or 19. I feel I have also learned a million life lessons…but I didn’t feel like that when turning 28…

…interesting.

It is a common notion that knocking on thirty’s door is a time of growing up ‘properly’ once and for all. No more excuses for bad behaviour or for not looking after yourself. Spontaneous drinking sessions with friends fade and those annoying things start to batter at your walls…
…expectations.

As the big 3 0 looms closer, there are suddenly one hundred and one expectations placed20170411_102615 on us. ‘When are you having kids?’ and ‘When are you getting married?’ …are the most frequently asked questions if you haven’t already done those things. Of course, millions treasure the idea of domestic bliss…but not all. There are still those who are happy to embrace the opportunities that arise from simply being one with oneself. The absence of responsibility and obligation is its own fairy-tale and it’s not one that we can all give up easily. It is a little bewildering as to why some view this as unusual or horrifying; ‘time is running out if you want to settle down!’. These kinds of responses can push us in to thinking we must act to keep up with the ‘norms’ of society, instead of growing old alone in a cardboard box somewhere as our heart really desires.

Even when you do embrace a life other than the domestic one, it won’t be good enough for everyone. If you haven’t completed their imaginary list of things to do before you’re thirty then you’re a big fat failure. When our minds cloud with other people’s expectations and ideals we ultimately lose ourselves. And that is the key to happiness at any age. The relationship with Self. Living in the moment by doing what you enjoy as an individual will attract what you truly want in life. Any energy dispelled on people who can only give you negative opinions, rather than adding value to your life, will only hold you back in the long run. They will make you second guess yourself, go against your gut and before you know it you’re knocking on the door of the next decade wondering where it all went wrong.

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People with expectations about how others should live have little going on in their own life (or they’re insecure so they pull others down with them). Let them do that while you do you with a happy mind, whatever your age. The moment you allow yourself to chase life validation you begin to fight a losing battle. Only misery and disappointment will ensue, simply because you’re not living your own truth.

So, in this last year of my twenties, I solemnly swear…to be myself. Young at heart with my mind closed to the expectations of others.

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Sexpectations

wp-1486319079730.jpgThere are individuals who are completely at home with their sexuality and a new experience with a new person is anything but daunting. On the flip side, some of us feel petrified at the thought of taking our clothes off for someone new. Am I fat? Am I scaly? Will they think things are too small or too big? You can get so consumed with the thought of feeling embarrassed that you actually do embarrass yourself. Tripping over trousers, human functions failing and not getting each other’s sexual flow are all real things. Another common occurrence is expectation. You may have been thinking non-stop about your first sexual encounter with this person to the point where you have it planned out in your head. Then when it comes to crunch time it is anything but exciting and pleasurable, more like cringing and forgetful.

One night stands are not really relevant to this discussion, as they usually occur when alcohol has been consumed and inhibitions disappear anyway. If you have been dating someone, however, this first experience may mean a hell of a lot to you. The key is confidence and ensuring you’re comfortable enough to take things to the next level. Having sex with the person your dating to please them is all well and good but you may not be doing your wellbeing a favour. Any person worth their salt will want their partner to be comfortable too and so honesty really is the best policy. If your partner is putting pressure on you in any way at all and you give in, then the experience will not feel special or genuine.

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Unfortunately, our physical side can move way faster than our head. We may think we are ready, do the deed and end up feeling ashamed or regretful in the morning. There is not a timescale for this sort of thing, although the sexual tension will be greatly increased if you do try to hold off for at least a couple of months. Not only does this mean that you have a chance to get to know each other’s personalities properly, it is also a chance to test how long the flame can burn for. If after three months, the person you’re dating is still keen then you know you can comfortably and happily move to the next level with them. If they complain, get bored or fob you off then you know they were only interested in your physical side rather than your spiritual as well. I am sure there are those thinking ‘What?! Three months?!’ and I note this may seem lengthy for people who have a high sex drive. Even so, holding off will most likely make for better sex. Rather than it being an act simply for physically pleasure, you have more chance of achieving the spiritual pleasure at the same time. In these instances, awkwardness and embarrassment do not exist.

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Putting new relationships aside, what about existing long term relationships where the expectations have already been set for some time? The key to ensuring sexual longevity in a long term relationship is communication. Many couples end up in the same routine. Same position, same time, same place and same orgasm (or maybe no orgasm at all…the horror!). If this is you and you and your partner are happy then hallelujah, just make sure neither of you are trying to save the feelings of the other. It is okay to say you are bored, want to try something new or that you’re not as keen as you once were. Saying uncomfortable truths can only lead to further discussion. As long as that discussion is pleasant and takes consideration of people’s feelings then a positive result should follow. The easiest way to resolve this kind of issue in the first instance is a change of scenery. If you are not in a position to do this, then change rooms! The most important point to note here though is that effort is key. Doing things half-heartedly will only create resentment, distance and a potential end to the romance.wp-1486319082713.png

So, if you’re moving to the next level with someone or trying to spice up an existing
relationship, sexpectations are at the root of it…so make sure yours are met.