The Power of Silence

newproject_2_originalPeople want to be heard and they use words and gestures to achieve this (duh). If they do not receive the response or attention they want, they may raise their voices louder and make grander gestures. Whilst this is an obvious point to make about humans, it is often forgotten that silence can be even more powerful.

A typical example is bartering. A proposition is made to buy something for £10. The proposition is declined and a counter offer is made of £20. This is declined and the buyer asks to meet in the middle at £15. The seller pauses to consider this and a silence is created. If the buyer assumes in the silence that the seller is going to say no, he may break the silence and say, ‘what about £17.50?’. The seller is immediately happier as the price is nearer to his original asking price. Had the buyer let the silence hang in the air, the seller may have concluded that it was in fact reasonable to meet in the middle at £15. This art of negotiation can be used for anything, as long as silence is utilised effectively.

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If you ask someone a direct question, always leave it to them to break the silence, otherwise you disturb their thought process and inadvertently end up where you didn’t want to be. Silences like this can be majorly uncomfortable, although once you see the rewards of staying silent, you will find things go your way more often and it is easier to do. The reason for this is that the respondent often feels pressured to answer a direct question quickly and are therefore more likely to  please in haste. In a sense, it is ruthless, however, this skill is beneficial in official settings such as debates, business and protests.

Another way that silence is powerful is when someone or a group of people are attempting to tear you down, either mentally, physically, or both. This behaviour is mainly rooted in jealousy. Jealousy is just as powerful as silence, but it is a negative emotion that can be destructive. If someone calls you a name or spreads hate about you, the worst thing you can do is respond. As soon as that response is made you are in the same categories as them, petty and childish. Remember…

‘Queens don’t leave their thrones for peasants throwing stones’

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The people who know you personally will not pay attention to such comments anyway and any external people who feed hateful behaviour are not worth your time. We live in a politically correct yet judgemental society which is for the most part ‘noisy’. This means silence is now our greatest power. Show people how to behave and progress by focusing on enjoying and furthering your own life. Don’t brag just live! We’re not all born with thick skin but we are born with the ability to be indifferent. In time, the negatives will realise that they are not going to get the response they want from you and that they look more and more ridiculous each time they attempt to strip you of your worth. Let them show the world who they are. Your silence speaks louder than their voice ever could.

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This is applicable to other situations, such as people trying to engage you in negative conversations. If Sandra tells you that she can’t stand Sharon for X, Y and Z reasons, but you like Sharon, don’t sell her out just for the bants. If you stay silent, Sandra will be forced to reconsider if what she just said was appropriate or not. She may continue venting in your silence, or she may pause, think and then break the silence by back tracking, ‘but Sharon’s alright really’. Lols. Engaging in negative conversations about others does not result in positive outcome for yourself. Your circle is representative of who you are, so use your silence to reveal people.

Silence is also an educator for children. It can be majorly frustrating when a child misbehaves or simply won’t listen. Many parents get into the routine of telling their kids off and even arguing with them to stop bad behaviour. The easiest tool to use is…silence!

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This must be backed up with all the willpower you can muster though. Children want attention and they do that by making noise. If you stay silent they will get louder and if you give in at this point then silence can no longer be your weapon of education. However, if you stay silent and let the child’s noise levels peak (even if they’re screaming!) they won’t be able to sustain it in your silence.

20170414_133905No words, no eye contact, no moving them or yourself away. Just still silence. As children’s attention spans are short, they will eventually move on to doing something else. Stay silent until they show a positive action or say positive words. Doing this consistently builds into the child’s consciousness that if they do positive things they will get a positive response. If they do negative things, it will isolate them. Let’s face it, that’s how it is in the adult world and if they grow up with this skill, they will use it effectively in their adult lives. Win win!

So, there you go, a few ways to make silence your all conquering friend.

Dear diary, am I living?

wp-1483736788875.jpgWe all have different ideas about what it means to live a full happy life. There are those ‘superior’ people who insist that if you haven’t done what they have done or do what they are doing, then you have missed out. These kinds of people lay their words on you thickly and they want you to feel envious of their fabulous existence. The truth is though, it can’t be all singing and dancing if they find the time to brag about that existence to you. A higher being did not descend upon them and instruct them to spread the word that everyone should live like them. If they need to put it all up in your face, then perhaps they are not fully enjoying themselves either. The point is, these people make you doubt your life and that is unacceptable. You could have a little fun by pointing out the flaws in their life or ask them if they have considered that not everyone needs the same things as they do…but you would be wasting your time. Leave the self-confessed ‘high fliers’ to their business and wish them well in their future endeavors (like what ex employers who hate you tell you when you leave!). It is delusional to assume someone is jealous of your circumstances and then to be smug about the fact that they feel that way.

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Our society as a consciousness is mainly concerned with success in a monetary and popularity sense. This can push us to chase things that aren’t really for us and this eventually damages our self-esteem, particularly if we fail. Seriously though, who wants to be remembered for how much money they made or how many people they knew?! There are likely to be people who do feel like that and we are not here to judge them, although spiritual living sounds much more appealing than buying ‘stuff’. Money undeniably makes things easier, however, it shouldn’t define the worth of your life. Knowing lots of people may make you feel popular but if they don’t lift your spirits what are they doing for you? We often compare other people’s fun to our own existence and this results in us surrounding ourselves with the wrong people. There are those who think living is going out partying and getting drunk. Others think it is seeing as much of the world as possible. Many parents don’t need anything but the presence of their children to feel fulfilled and see them as their greatest accomplishment. Interestingly, I often see the below meme, which gets thousands and thousands of likes on social media.

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Perhaps living simply is the real key to living? 

Getting bogged down with trying to save for that holiday, getting that promotion or getting little Timmy into that school are all examples of situations that cause us stress. It could be that you keep dropping something (my own cause of stress! Why won’t my hand just keep hold of the damn things?!) or your computer plays up and for the rest of the day you’re annoyed and stressed. These instances stop us living in the moment. For every short spurt of annoyance and anger, happiness disappears from your brain. How many of these moments have you had only this week? The simpler you live the less stress there is to take away your happiness…

…and you will start to feel like you’re living life to the full.

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It’s like when you come across an old friend and have a simple conversation to catch up. There is only you two but the laughter can be heard in the far east because you are feeling spiritually alive. Sadly, we all had the freedom of living like this when we were little children. Whilst children may fight for a toy or paddy at eating dinner, most of their time is spent finding fulfilment in simple things. You buy them a toy and they play with a cushion (lols).

Go back to basics and find life in your immediate surroundings. If you feel the need to steer yourself somewhere else, then go for it. As long as you are still finding happiness in the simple things, you will always feel fulfilled and that your living your life…not just existing. In the end though, only you can validate it!

Christmas Wars

wp-1481446743074.jpgWhether you think it or not you are in some sort of Christmas War, we all are. From fighting the queues in the shops to convincing your five-year-old Santa is real (because someone at school said he isn’t!), we all want that happy magical day. So how do we get through these festive times of stress?

Well, checking Facebook and Instagram posts I have found some common themes that cropped up last year…

The age old ‘I’m a better parent than my ex’

Number one so far on Facebook is baby mother/father drama. I’m not quite sure why I thought this wouldn’t be a reoccurring theme but it seems I am filled with too much Christmas hope that parents can get on for the sake of their kids. Let’s get this clear now, if you’re letting your ex drive your emotions so far that you must post on Facebook, then you haven’t fully moved on. Whether it is love or anger just let it go, let it go, they can’t hold you back anymore! Ultimately, kids don’t care if Mum spent £100.00 more than Dad, or if they open their presents at yours or Grandma Joan’s, they just want happy festive fun. So, if deadbeat other parent is not having the sprog over the holidays or they haven’t met your standards of buying, maybe you should keep your beak out of their business? You’re doing everything right, right? After all, they are nothing to do with you anymore, you just share kids! It is ‘social’ media not ‘personal’ media. Let it go, accept whatever your ex is doing with the kids and make sure YOUR time with them is memorable.

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‘I told my mum we’ll be there at 12pm’

When two people merge their lives, they must haggle over their ‘Christmas time’ and who gets it. You may spend the festive day at your mums for dinner, see Aunty Julie in the afternoon and then share a sherry with Grandad in the evening. Your partner protests this, as they have already told their mum you are going to hers for dinner! Major time consuming debates ahead to resolve…but there is an easy answer…stay at home! Why let your day be ruined by social dictators? If they want to see you and your kids so bad tell them you’re having Christmas at home and they are more than welcome to stop by for egg nog (said no one in the UK ever). You should anticipate some guilt tripping from family over Christmas, just remember, it is your day too and you are not obligated to spend it trying to people please.

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‘I can’t go to the pub, I’m skint mate’

How many of us get to January with empty wallets and pray we can make our pennies last until payday? The pressure of buying for lots of people, or getting literally everything your child wants can easily spoil the break. Where Christmas used to be a religious holiday, in its place lies an overly commercialised day which the media and high streets ram down our throats. Each year proud mothers post the pile for presents for their little one on Facebook, to show off their generosity (or stupidity depending on your view point) and general superiority as a parent. Take it from Thrine in the politest way…no one gives a damn what you buy your kid for Christmas. If you want to be suckered in to filling your house with crap and creating a brat in the process, that really is your business. To those with common sense, only spend what you can afford and don’t feel obligated to buy for adults. The day is about family and love, don’t let the materialistic aspects take over too much. If your children get to a point at Christmas where they openly tell you they don’t like their presents, or some presents remain untouched for months after then you have over done it…you have successfully created a spoiled brat. Lastly, adults deserve fun at Christmas too, so at least save yourself some money for a cheeky tipple!

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‘I don’t celebrate Christmas’         

You think you have it bad trying to plan Christmas? Think about those who don’t celebrate it! Almost everything in the UK is shut on Christmas Day. The High Streets, Supermarkets, Restaurants…you name it, it is shut, confining everyone to their homes. In addition to the inconvenience of the day, there is the big Christmas rush leading up to it. A non-Christian, non-Christmas day celebrator may need to go Primark for some socks in December and he/she is met with a snaking queue that stretches to the street outside. He/she seeks out the pound shop for some AA batteries but can’t even squeeze in the door due to some women fighting over the last Santa sacks. Help him out by doing most your buying online…in November!

So, there you have it, a little overview of ‘Christmas Wars’. Rest assured, there is a happier Christmas blog post in me somewhere. I will get it to you before the guy with the white beard comes down your chimney or when the cows come home…whichever happens first.

10 reasons why you shouldn’t air your dirty laundry on Facebook

wp-1478790383126.jpgWe are all guilty of this and we have all regretted posting one thing or another. Here is a 10 point reminder on why you should keep your dirty laundry off Facebook. I have picked this social media platform above others, as it is more of a community where people actually know each other, as opposed to Instagram or Twitter. As always, don’t be offended by my musings as I only say what I see. Hopefully this guide will help you turn your social media experiences into positive ones.

  1. No one cares

It is a sad truth but people only really care about their own bubble. Sure, the odd person might ask ‘what’s up?’ on your status, however, this is usually because your rant has awakened their ‘nosey’ gene. The majority of people will read your rant just because drama sparks interest. Don’t be blind sighted in thinking that they actually care and want to help you resolve your issues…they’re just happy to be a spectator of your one man/woman show. Chances are they’re already inboxing one of their friends to say what a complete tool you are and that you need to get over yourself.

2. You look a prat

To be on Facebook you have to be at least 14 years old. We can accept that youngsters aged 14-17 years will have a rant but if you’re 18+, you should really know better. A long winded rant about your evil friend, absent baby father/mother, or annoying family member will make you look out of control. An adult has their affairs in order and if they don’t, they sort them out peaceably and privately. Facebook is a big place and I doubt you would want a potential employer looking you up (which is what they do these days!) and immediately thinking ‘they’re a prat’ and that you are not capable of resolving conflict in an effective way.

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3. It is unpleasant for others

We all have issues at some point in our lives and it really is how you deal with them that shows what kind of person you are. There will be individuals on your Facebook going through immense struggles and nobody knows. It is a much happier place for these silent sufferers to see positivity, happiness and funny memes whilst they’re scrolling, not you kicking off at bae because he forgot to pick the kids up! Be a little more aware and consider that someone’s mood may be brought downtown because your rant made them feel even lower about life. We can change the world one small step at a time. Do your bit and be a beam of hope for others to aspire to!

4. It can never be removed

For me this is the most significant. Anything you put on Facebook, even if your settings are private, can be screen shot and circulated before you have even had time to exhale. People have been arrested, lost court cases and destroyed relationships by putting the details of their private matters on Facebook. You must remember that Facebook is not your school, your employment or your friend’s house, it is an online community that is visible to the world. Imagine you slate your ex who you have a child with. No matter the age of that child, there is always the possibility they will see exactly what you wrote about the other parent. Not only is this upsetting for your child, it also promotes unreasonable behaviour to them.

5. It shows your inner weaknesses

Ranting on Facebook gives the impression you are unable to physically and emotionally deal with the problems in your life. Well, my apologies, it is time for you to toughen up. We all have situations we don’t want to be in, people we would like to punch but hey, that’s life! Don’t put your weaknesses on a plate for everyone to see. Muster your inner strength to directly deal with your problems instead of expecting Facebook to. If you have issues you can’t resolve and are feeling frustrated, confide in a friend face to face or try get counselling to work through your feelings.

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6. Posting isn’t power

One of the main reasons in people posting their dirty laundry is the feeling of power it instils in them. Even if the person they are ranting about isn’t on their Facebook, they know it will get back to them somehow…that’s why they do it! All that is being created here is a social media war, nothing else. You are already feeling stressed and powerless so why would you make that feeling worse? By posting to feel powerful in your situation you are actually giving your power away. Bear that in mind the next time your fingers start twitching to type that angry status.

7. In directing is immature

A rant can also be a passive aggressive status or meme. You do this to let the person in your life know that you are not happy with them. Is that really the adult way to let them know? I think not. All you are doing is feeding the fire with hate and in turn making yourself look childish. I understand how it happens though, I have been guilty of it too. Ultimately though, it won’t change anything in relation to your problem it will just make it worse. Pick up the phone, arrange a meeting and tell the person properly how you feel. This is more likely to lead to reconciliation.

8. People will want to know

How many times has someone posted a rant and then you see someone else comment saying ‘are you ok?’. The status bearer will reply with one of two answers, either ‘I’ll inbox you’ or ‘yeah I’m fine just having a rant’. Yeah ….they know that…that’s why they asked! You can’t get annoyed with someone for sticking their oar in when you have pretty much invited them to ask what is wrong. If you don’t want other people to know then you probably shouldn’t put a vague indirect status on Facebook. Exercise is the best medicine for frustration so go do that.

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9. Attention seeking?

We all know that one extreme Facebook complainer…everyone has one on their friends list. Even though they annoy the hell out of you, you keep them on your friends list so you can be entertained by their mindless dramas. These people are just simply attention seeking. When there isn’t much going on in people’s lives, social media becomes their reality. If this is you then you really need to take a step back and look at how you may be perceived. Even if you don’t care it can still impact on your self-esteem because people will eventually stop liking and commenting. If you are confined to the house or a set way of life, try changing your routine up so you don’t rely on Facebook for comfort.

10. Power of Silence

So many people underestimate the power of silence. It can be more powerful than the words you speak. It is a tactic used by lawyers, police, sales people and you if you’re smart. If someone has ticked you off and you have that urge to have the last word by posting a Facebook rant then I beg you to just STOP. Anyone who has upset you isn’t worth your words or your time. If it is that bad you should be waiting for them to come to you with an apology. The person with the control in any conflict is the one that keeps their head. So be cool, calm and collected. Instead of ranting on Facebook, tell Facebook what a fabulous day you have had. The last thing you want is your enemy thinking that they were the focus of your whole day!

How to make your relationship last

wp-1475784422340.jpgWe spend our time looking for a life partner and along the way we make many mistakes. From diving in head first with the wrong person and planning our future in a week, to then rejecting the next one who treats us like royalty. Couples can break up after a month, a year, ten years or even 50 years! So…how do you know if you are with the right person and how can you make your relationship last?

Ultimately, it comes down to compatibility and understanding.

There is always that ‘perfect couple’ who people think will never ever split up. I guarantee you that they still have their dramas behind closed doors. The difference is, they care enough about each other and their relationship to not LET anyone else get involved… in any aspect of it. We all need to vent about our partners now and again, however, a social media rant or telling everyone you see about your problems will only escalate your drama. If you need to speak to someone other than your partner about your relationship, then ensure it is someone you trust. So that is rule number one…Keep your relationship drama between you and your partner at all times…where possible. The more people that know your business the more your problems are talked about and remain unresolved.

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The most unstable circumstances in a relationship usually come from someone making a huge mistake. Cheating, lying and manipulation make for painful wounds that can last a lifetime. It is key that you either forgive, forget or walk away. We always look for that in-between place that allows us to move on from the relationship and yet keep one foot on it just in case. That place does not exist. What does exist is resentment, suspicion, anxiety and heartache. It may take you months to decide the next step but even so, take your time to think. Was the mistake so big you have to walk away? Or do you truly believe they love you and will do better to keep you in their lives? Those questions can only be answered by you.

Having a partner, especially one you live with, means you have to make an EFFORT to put yourself in their shoes from time to time. If you are the dominant one in the relationship, you may drown out your partners voice by either reacting too quickly and aggressively, or by dismissing their concerns as unwarranted. This will lead to the relationship breaking down. It has to be a partnership where you listen to each other, even if you really do not want to hear it. And should you reach an impasse, efforts should be made to compromise, negotiate and give in. This does take practice but the more you do it the more structure you create to resolve problems quickly and efficiently. If you cannot have a discussion without screaming at each other, then you need to go back to basics and figure out how your relationship escalated in this negative way.

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Once you have reached the place where dramas can be contained and resolved, it is time to start anticipating each other’s needs.  Each person has life pressures that they have to manage both together as a couple and as individuals. These stresses can be work, money, time management, health problems and everything else in-between. Showing affection for your partner by making their coffee in a morning, or surprising them with a gift will boost their mood and make them feel loved. A common stress and a large contributor to relationships breaking down, are household chores. After working your shift, you may want to lay your head or eat some grub and someone is telling you, in a stressed tone, that you need to wash up, get the kids, hoover the house and blah blah blah. The reality is, you are both responsible for the life you are building together. Whether you have to take it in turns or make a rota, you should have processes (yes processes!) in place to manage your lives effectively for the sake of each other’s well being.

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A crucial aspect of having a healthy relationship is letting each other be an individual. It is unhealthy to be with the same person 24/7 and you should spend some of your time honing your sense of self. This may be a sport you do once a week, catching up with your friends or just having a couple of hours alone to reflect on life. This will give you something fresh to talk about and it will help you grow, both individually and together. At the same time, you need to remain on the same page in relation to joint decisions such as marriage, children and finances.

Lastly, have fun! Getting stuck in a rut is completely normal but if you choose to stay in the rut, more problems will surface down the line. Someone will eventually get bored and start to question exactly why they are in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Life is for living, so if you want to stay with your partner for the rest of your life, you have to try new things and push yourselves out of your comfort zones. Make couple goals, plan holidays, go camping and dance and sing together in your living room!

So there you have it. Go forth, be happy, be open and MAKE AN EFFORT for each other.

Children Over Parents

wp-1475513162000.jpgThe first thing any parent needs to remind themselves is…your kid did not ask to exist. You and your partner at the time either decided to plan a baby or it ‘just happened’. Interestingly, many parents say they used protection and it didn’t work. Okay…that may be the case for a very small portion of parents but we all know that the majority were thinking of the unprotected pleasure, rather than the pregnancy consequences! No judgement here, however, you are both responsible for the outcome of that union.

So when the baby is on the way and the parents realise they despise each other, what happens next? Well, this post would be far too long if I addressed every possible situation, so I have chosen five instances that appear to be prominent in today’s society. Please be assured that I am not here to bash anyone. I just want to give some food for thought. I did ask two single parents (male and female!) who have been through some similar situations to read it and provide me with feedback. Their responses were very positive and they even gave me additional points to discuss. I hope my readers feel the same and find this post constructive. Should you wish to provide comments, please inbox me on any social media platform, rather than starting a Facebook war!

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So here it goes…

  1. Absent Fathers

As stated in my previous posts, women are much more emotionally vulnerable than men when it comes to sex. A man who is just looking for a one-night stand will be mortified if that night results in pregnancy. Whether they stay around is dependent on their morals and decency as a human. A younger bloke in their late teens or early twenties may be too overwhelmed and bury their head in the sand. A man who is just absent of emotion may project aggression towards the mother to be or insist the child is nothing to do with them. This can be very distressing for the mother of the child. They are left feeling used, unwanted and alone, which can lead to feelings of distress and self-loathing. Not a great start for your unborn child is it? If you are a father to be and you can relate to this…give your head a shake. That seed you sprayed is still your responsibility! If you cannot build a relationship with the Mother, then you need to make this known as early as possible. And you still need to make an effort to be a support system to her until that baby arrives. Women go through all sorts of different emotions during pregnancy so be prepared for a rollercoaster. Once the baby arrives you can start to pull away from the Mothers immediate surroundings and create a comfortable home for your baby at your house for when you have him/her. At least the child will grow up with two loving parents, rather than one, distressed and abandoned Mother. Best of all, you can at least say you did everything you could to make the situation peaceable for all. If you decide to just be absent for the child’s entire life, you are already creating emotional problems for them and the Mother…as well as being liable for thousands of pounds of child maintenance money.

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  1. Controlling Mothers

We know that having babies creates some chemical reaction in women’s brains. How many times have you heard, ‘until you have a child of your own you just won’t understand’? As children grow into self-sufficient beings, the mothers start to miss the dependency and comfort of a baby.  This is not the case for every woman though. I have many friends that say they definitely do not want anymore. However, the women that do feel like this can have major control issues if they have drama with their baby father. I personally feel that if two parents are unable to communicate effectively for the sake of their child, then there is no other choice but to respect each other’s parenting decisions. Children are very adaptable and as long as each parent is consistent in their ways, the child will be accustomed to different rules in different houses. If the Mother tries to control every aspect of the child’s life when they are with their father, then major arguments will begin to surface. There is only one victim here…the child. They do not deserve to be in the middle of any parental squabble. The woman may feel that they did all the hard work by carrying the child and giving birth, so they have the right to dictate every aspect of its life. Sadly, that is untrue. The baby would not be in your arms if the man had not laid down with you. Your child is half another person no matter how much you may deny it to yourself. If you continue to be controlling and attack the father, it is likely the child will make up their own mind as to who they want to be around as they get older. What company would you prefer? The screaming, shouting unreasonable one or the loving, hardworking ‘just trying to do the right thing’ one? Unless there are serious concerns, leave the father be and let them parent how they wish when the child is with them. That then allows the Mother to have some well-deserved ‘me time’, instead of creating unnecessary dramatics.

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  1. Children having children

I would never speak ill of young mothers and fathers. I know people who had children at 16 years old and they are fabulous parents. One thing to consider though is, have you lived your life before having children? Often peer pressure can cause teenagers to have sex when they are not ready and these unions may result in a child having a child. For any teenager reading this, please protect yourself. Build your own foundations before taking on a huge responsibility such as a child. Have some savings behind you, a stable home and a partner who loves and respects you. Most importantly, go live your life. Unless you have stacks of cash or a dozen nannies at your disposal, you will have to put travelling the world, going to university and wild nights on hold until your child is older. Another aspect is your mental wellbeing. If you are an immature teenager who is expecting a child, you need to grow up quick. Babies cannot be left alone, negotiated with or traded for another life. You made that bed and you will have to lay in it!

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  1. The revengers

The revengers can encompass all of the above and a whole lot more. A couple may have been together for 20 years with three children then they split…and the rise of the revengers begins. This is the most common situation that I have come across. The one you hear about from your friends and see on social media. When parents have a major showdown about how much they absolutely detest each other and how the other one is the worst parent in the world. These are the people that forget children come first and they are so wrapped up in their own feelings, they can only feel hate and revenge for their ex. Slating your baby father/mother online is pointless for a number of reasons. First of all, nobody really cares about your dramas you just look immature and to be honest, a little sad. You are angry because you are powerless. Social media is the only outlet that makes you feel better because you can get your point across to a million and one people. Then if you’re lucky, one of those people will show your baby father/mother your comments, prompting them to start their own rants. One question though, how does these actions benefit you and your child? Do you think they will be happy to read these comments back in the future? Do you think they will respect you for it? Just bear in mind that no matter how you feel about your ex, your child will love them regardless because they are half of them and are loved by them. Is that not the most important thing here? If you cannot put your hate aside so that your child can have a positive relationship with your ex, then you shouldn’t be a parent. Any serious issues in relation to access or concerns about parenting methods can be resolved in court. Go down that route instead of acting like a child and embarrassing yourself for the whole world to see.

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  1. Entrapment

This is one of the most serious and soul destroying acts of all…telling someone you are using protection when really you are not. Many women get so wrapped up in love it can become an unhealthy obsession. Couples are not two halves of the same soul; they are individual spirits. Lying to your partner already brings destruction into your relationship. You cannot lie to have a baby and then pretend it happened by accident. Even if your man is happy that a baby is on the way, you can’t change the fact you lied to him. That lie will forever taint you and your relationship. If you are desperate to have a baby to keep the man you love, then you have to realise this is not the man for you. Or perhaps it is not the right time. A child should be brought into this world with love, so don’t start its life off on the wrong foot by evil doing!

So there you have it. Love it or hate it, Defined by Thrine cares about the youth of today. Let us raise them with positivity and love, even if it hurts us to make the right decision. The most important fact to remember is, everything calms down with time if both parties are willing to negotiate for the sake of their children. I promise that when I finally have a child, I will revisit this post to see of my opinion has changed.