Realisation Blog #61

newproject_1_original-3Those people who just seem to have it all. No financial worries, loyal friends, self-employment and a life full of adventures. The decisions they make do not, for the most part, backfire and they continue their upward spiral. Do you ever look at these people in wonderment or even envy? How did they do that? How did they end up there? Well, many of these individuals have a good start in life whether it be a secure family unit, a decent education or parents with sacks full of cash. Then there are those who didn’t have all those wonderful things tied up with string and they had to literally build their life from the bottom up, brick by brick.

And therein lies your answer.

There is a choice. The choice to realise your own true potential or to bury it and live in the system that so many of us curse. The realisation that we have this choice hits people at different times in their life. Some realise it young and dive into their dreams headfirst, others live with their heads in the clouds for a few decades then it clicks… and the rest may never realise it. This potential isn’t literally about being rich and successful, it is about discovering what gives you fulfillment and chasing it down until it is yours.


In every corner of the world there are successful people who appear to be idiots. Noted, that isn’t a nice statement to make but we have all thought this about someone at some point. ‘How do they even do this or have that?’ The difference between the successful and the stale is that successful people 100% believe in their personal goals and ambitions. Another part of the ‘realisation’ is that nobody apart from you is willing to give your dreams a go. The fear of failing can be paralysing even though we know the consequence of failing…is failing. It doesn’t mean we can’t try again by adapting our approach.  We may need to adapt it 100 times. And this is how success is made, by not giving up.

Screenshot_20170717-202709Like any new project, you must get your teeth into it and have the willpower to be consistent over an extended period. If there are aspects to your dream you don’t understand, like running a day to day business or something random like painting techniques, then there are ways and means of finding out. It is all dependent on the level of effort you are committed to putting in. For instance, this blog may have never appeared if the writer chose to waste hours watching others live their dreams out on YouTube, however, willpower overrode that desire and now you’re sat reading this!


So, we are programmed to settle for our circumstances. Even though every one of us can break the ceiling we were born under and reach new levels of our self. The first step is to plan, the second is to implement and the third…is to not let your arse drop out at the first hurdle. Dreams die when dreamers stop dreaming and outside influences tend to impact heavily on this. Tell people your dreams and they will say you’re aiming too high, wasting money, wasting time or that what you are doing will not work. But how do they know if they have never done it?

The truth is people have a fear of you realising your potential and acting on it. It could be out of love or hate but either way, realising your potential breeds change and change is scary for those who want you to stay exactly as you are.





newproject_1_originalBefore we get into the dark ‘truth’ about these Monday to Sunday pills, we should get ourselves familiar with the back story. Basically, society want to have sex without getting pregnant and without the restriction of condoms. The condom part is largely male driven because let’s face it…. women just want to feel erm…full. Pardon my crudeness. Interestingly, the pill was only initially available to married women when it was released in 1961. God forbid we should be caught with our knickers down if we didn’t have a husband. ‘That girl ought to be ashamed of herself!’. This rule lasted all of six years because the pharmaceutical companies realised ‘Hey there is a large profit to be made here!’. Hence why your doctor prescribes meds for everything instead of encouraging natural ways of healing…but that’s clearly a blog for another day!

Now, according to this article , the contraceptive pill has been called the greatest scientific invention of the 20th Century. Which it probably is…for men. This article also states that 70% of women in the UK are on the pill or have taken it at some point in their lives. Now that is scary. As you have been patient in reading this introduction, all shall now be revealed. Side note: I felt it important to share this in case other women are struggling and they can’t figure out why.


I have been known to my family as RUTH. Short for RUTHLESS. Not a very endearing name to say the least. From the age of 14 years old I went on the pill to regulate and reduce the pain of my period. Had those side effects been the only ones I may still be on it now. For the next ten years of my life I would have a cloudy, angry mind, an extremely short fuse and endless migraines. The migraines were unbearable. The longest was 28 hours and I couldn’t leave my bed or come out from under the covers. Painkillers didn’t even dent them. I literally thought my brain was going to explode. During a shift at the bookies one day, my vision went blurry, I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t add up. I fell off my chair and pulled myself into the toilet and turned the light off until the duty manager arrived. On reflection, the symptoms suggested a minor stroke but because I was 19 and naive, I dismissed it.

It’s hard to say which was the most difficult, the migraines or the moods. If I was calling a company about a bill I would end up flipping even if the advisor I was speaking to was giving world class customer service. But to me the inconvenience of having to take 5 minutes out of my day to make a premium call to a company I don’t want to speak to was torture. Even during dialling I would hyperventilate with anger and just wait for a reason to start screaming. After these types of calls I would just sit and cry out of frustration and bae would be like ‘seriously though what did you get out of that’ and the guilt would set in.

Other instances have included calling my father derogatory names and telling him to get out of my life, ripping cables and wires out of walls, destroying my own possessions because being destructive helped rid me of the energy that took over my body. Because I had no rational thought I would spend my wages without a second thought and leave myself without basic needs such as food. Shopping also made me feel better…. which is ironic as I knew eventually I would destroy what I bought in a rage with my bare hands. The worst habit I got into, which I still do today but much more diplomatically, is tell people uncomfortable truths. If my comments upset my nearest and dearest I would just say something like ‘well the truth hurts…. bitch’. How awful! When I think back to how I felt during those years I could vomit in disgust.


Whilst there were hundreds of occurrences like this, there was one thought I had which still makes me shiver now. The strong deep-seated feeling that I wanted to slowly tear somebody’s limbs off. I’d pray for a woman (or a man!) to start something so I could get into a scrap and rid myself of the strong feelings that were coursing through my veins like snakes. Had my love not loved me so much, I may have never recognised that I had lost my shit completely and needed to find a way back to rational thought. Neither of us considered the pill was the root cause so I tried exercising, eating healthy, getting more sleep, changing my surroundings….and alas nothing changed.

The penny dropped when I started to become conscious of what I was eating. Watching programmes like ‘The Sugar Documentary’ opened my eyes to what chemicals in foods do to the body. Consuming the parasitic chemicals in processed food could lead to serious illnesses such as cancer, as well as restricting day to day life due to the internal reactions they cause. Once I cleaned up my diet, I was devastated to find the feeling was still there lurking in the background. It was like a shadow that started at my feet, twisted up tightly around my body and finally made a permanent evil settlement in my brain, squeezing the life out of my rational thought.

So, after one particularly bad day of wanting to murder the world and smash up my house, I happened across the leaflet of the contraceptive pill I was taking. I’d never really given the side effects a thought before and my interest in how chemicals impacted on the brain and body roused my interest. In my contraceptive taking lifetime I used Microgynon, Yasmin and Cilest so I decided to look at the side effects in more detail (on an actual PC because phones didn’t have standard internet then…lol). The points below are the side effects I personally experienced from taking the contraceptive pill and these are listed in their literature-

  • Headaches/Migraines
  • a change in the pattern or severity of migraine headaches
  • Increased chance of blood clotting
  • Depression
  • Rise in blood pressure
  • Disturbance in liver function
  • Mood swings

Serious Side effects

  • sudden and severe headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance

In the case of Yasmin, 6.7% women were discontinued from the clinical trials due to an adverse reaction and yet this product is available to young girls and women around the world!

After some discussion with bae, I decided to just stop taking it. I didn’t go to my doctor as I didn’t feel they would take me seriously. Every time I discussed contraception they tried to convince me to get the implant in my arm. Having heard and seen horror stories about the implant, I told my doctor I didn’t want to be asked about this again and I asked him to make a note of this on my file.


The Results

Well, what can I say…a week in with no pill down my neck and I felt like a phoenix rising from the flames. My mind was clearer than it had been since my school days. My brain went to the laughter function quite easily and never strayed into angry thoughts. If it tried to, I could acknowledge them and send them away. I was rational again! The heavy cloud of being misunderstood and miserable floated away to find some other poor soul. Bae said it was like he’d met me for the first time all over again. Then that got me thinking, how many relationships have fallen apart because of this? How many women were feeling worthless, misunderstood, depressed and/or suicidal? From that moment on I told myself I would never put my reproduction system in the hands of a man made chemical again. Inhibiting my eggs for years at a time was not natural to me and the thought of potential damage to my cycle consumed me. Luckily, everything settled down after around three months or so. Experiencing a proper period after 10 years was hard going but I took joy from knowing my body was functioning as nature intended, not as a man in a lab intended.

Since my experience, I have seen other women go through the same struggle. During a camping trip, my usually kind hearted and fun friend was in a foul mood. Her temper was so short she threw a bag of metal pans at her brother! Immediately after she felt so consumed with anger, regret and upset she even exclaimed ‘what’s wrong with me?!’. She too stopped taking the pill and felt rational and happy after just a week too. So, whether you agree with the pill or not, the struggle is real for many women and they are better off using the natural method. If this story sounds familiar to you, I urge you to stop taking it for just a few weeks and I guarantee you will feel a million times better!

The Power of Silence

newproject_2_originalPeople want to be heard and they use words and gestures to achieve this (duh). If they do not receive the response or attention they want, they may raise their voices louder and make grander gestures. Whilst this is an obvious point to make about humans, it is often forgotten that silence can be even more powerful.

A typical example is bartering. A proposition is made to buy something for £10. The proposition is declined and a counter offer is made of £20. This is declined and the buyer asks to meet in the middle at £15. The seller pauses to consider this and a silence is created. If the buyer assumes in the silence that the seller is going to say no, he may break the silence and say, ‘what about £17.50?’. The seller is immediately happier as the price is nearer to his original asking price. Had the buyer let the silence hang in the air, the seller may have concluded that it was in fact reasonable to meet in the middle at £15. This art of negotiation can be used for anything, as long as silence is utilised effectively.


If you ask someone a direct question, always leave it to them to break the silence, otherwise you disturb their thought process and inadvertently end up where you didn’t want to be. Silences like this can be majorly uncomfortable, although once you see the rewards of staying silent, you will find things go your way more often and it is easier to do. The reason for this is that the respondent often feels pressured to answer a direct question quickly and are therefore more likely to  please in haste. In a sense, it is ruthless, however, this skill is beneficial in official settings such as debates, business and protests.

Another way that silence is powerful is when someone or a group of people are attempting to tear you down, either mentally, physically, or both. This behaviour is mainly rooted in jealousy. Jealousy is just as powerful as silence, but it is a negative emotion that can be destructive. If someone calls you a name or spreads hate about you, the worst thing you can do is respond. As soon as that response is made you are in the same categories as them, petty and childish. Remember…

‘Queens don’t leave their thrones for peasants throwing stones’


The people who know you personally will not pay attention to such comments anyway and any external people who feed hateful behaviour are not worth your time. We live in a politically correct yet judgemental society which is for the most part ‘noisy’. This means silence is now our greatest power. Show people how to behave and progress by focusing on enjoying and furthering your own life. Don’t brag just live! We’re not all born with thick skin but we are born with the ability to be indifferent. In time, the negatives will realise that they are not going to get the response they want from you and that they look more and more ridiculous each time they attempt to strip you of your worth. Let them show the world who they are. Your silence speaks louder than their voice ever could.


This is applicable to other situations, such as people trying to engage you in negative conversations. If Sandra tells you that she can’t stand Sharon for X, Y and Z reasons, but you like Sharon, don’t sell her out just for the bants. If you stay silent, Sandra will be forced to reconsider if what she just said was appropriate or not. She may continue venting in your silence, or she may pause, think and then break the silence by back tracking, ‘but Sharon’s alright really’. Lols. Engaging in negative conversations about others does not result in positive outcome for yourself. Your circle is representative of who you are, so use your silence to reveal people.

Silence is also an educator for children. It can be majorly frustrating when a child misbehaves or simply won’t listen. Many parents get into the routine of telling their kids off and even arguing with them to stop bad behaviour. The easiest tool to use is…silence!


This must be backed up with all the willpower you can muster though. Children want attention and they do that by making noise. If you stay silent they will get louder and if you give in at this point then silence can no longer be your weapon of education. However, if you stay silent and let the child’s noise levels peak (even if they’re screaming!) they won’t be able to sustain it in your silence.

20170414_133905No words, no eye contact, no moving them or yourself away. Just still silence. As children’s attention spans are short, they will eventually move on to doing something else. Stay silent until they show a positive action or say positive words. Doing this consistently builds into the child’s consciousness that if they do positive things they will get a positive response. If they do negative things, it will isolate them. Let’s face it, that’s how it is in the adult world and if they grow up with this skill, they will use it effectively in their adult lives. Win win!

So, there you go, a few ways to make silence your all conquering friend.

10 reasons why you shouldn’t air your dirty laundry on Facebook

wp-1478790383126.jpgWe are all guilty of this and we have all regretted posting one thing or another. Here is a 10 point reminder on why you should keep your dirty laundry off Facebook. I have picked this social media platform above others, as it is more of a community where people actually know each other, as opposed to Instagram or Twitter. As always, don’t be offended by my musings as I only say what I see. Hopefully this guide will help you turn your social media experiences into positive ones.

  1. No one cares

It is a sad truth but people only really care about their own bubble. Sure, the odd person might ask ‘what’s up?’ on your status, however, this is usually because your rant has awakened their ‘nosey’ gene. The majority of people will read your rant just because drama sparks interest. Don’t be blind sighted in thinking that they actually care and want to help you resolve your issues…they’re just happy to be a spectator of your one man/woman show. Chances are they’re already inboxing one of their friends to say what a complete tool you are and that you need to get over yourself.

2. You look a prat

To be on Facebook you have to be at least 14 years old. We can accept that youngsters aged 14-17 years will have a rant but if you’re 18+, you should really know better. A long winded rant about your evil friend, absent baby father/mother, or annoying family member will make you look out of control. An adult has their affairs in order and if they don’t, they sort them out peaceably and privately. Facebook is a big place and I doubt you would want a potential employer looking you up (which is what they do these days!) and immediately thinking ‘they’re a prat’ and that you are not capable of resolving conflict in an effective way.


3. It is unpleasant for others

We all have issues at some point in our lives and it really is how you deal with them that shows what kind of person you are. There will be individuals on your Facebook going through immense struggles and nobody knows. It is a much happier place for these silent sufferers to see positivity, happiness and funny memes whilst they’re scrolling, not you kicking off at bae because he forgot to pick the kids up! Be a little more aware and consider that someone’s mood may be brought downtown because your rant made them feel even lower about life. We can change the world one small step at a time. Do your bit and be a beam of hope for others to aspire to!

4. It can never be removed

For me this is the most significant. Anything you put on Facebook, even if your settings are private, can be screen shot and circulated before you have even had time to exhale. People have been arrested, lost court cases and destroyed relationships by putting the details of their private matters on Facebook. You must remember that Facebook is not your school, your employment or your friend’s house, it is an online community that is visible to the world. Imagine you slate your ex who you have a child with. No matter the age of that child, there is always the possibility they will see exactly what you wrote about the other parent. Not only is this upsetting for your child, it also promotes unreasonable behaviour to them.

5. It shows your inner weaknesses

Ranting on Facebook gives the impression you are unable to physically and emotionally deal with the problems in your life. Well, my apologies, it is time for you to toughen up. We all have situations we don’t want to be in, people we would like to punch but hey, that’s life! Don’t put your weaknesses on a plate for everyone to see. Muster your inner strength to directly deal with your problems instead of expecting Facebook to. If you have issues you can’t resolve and are feeling frustrated, confide in a friend face to face or try get counselling to work through your feelings.


6. Posting isn’t power

One of the main reasons in people posting their dirty laundry is the feeling of power it instils in them. Even if the person they are ranting about isn’t on their Facebook, they know it will get back to them somehow…that’s why they do it! All that is being created here is a social media war, nothing else. You are already feeling stressed and powerless so why would you make that feeling worse? By posting to feel powerful in your situation you are actually giving your power away. Bear that in mind the next time your fingers start twitching to type that angry status.

7. In directing is immature

A rant can also be a passive aggressive status or meme. You do this to let the person in your life know that you are not happy with them. Is that really the adult way to let them know? I think not. All you are doing is feeding the fire with hate and in turn making yourself look childish. I understand how it happens though, I have been guilty of it too. Ultimately though, it won’t change anything in relation to your problem it will just make it worse. Pick up the phone, arrange a meeting and tell the person properly how you feel. This is more likely to lead to reconciliation.

8. People will want to know

How many times has someone posted a rant and then you see someone else comment saying ‘are you ok?’. The status bearer will reply with one of two answers, either ‘I’ll inbox you’ or ‘yeah I’m fine just having a rant’. Yeah ….they know that…that’s why they asked! You can’t get annoyed with someone for sticking their oar in when you have pretty much invited them to ask what is wrong. If you don’t want other people to know then you probably shouldn’t put a vague indirect status on Facebook. Exercise is the best medicine for frustration so go do that.


9. Attention seeking?

We all know that one extreme Facebook complainer…everyone has one on their friends list. Even though they annoy the hell out of you, you keep them on your friends list so you can be entertained by their mindless dramas. These people are just simply attention seeking. When there isn’t much going on in people’s lives, social media becomes their reality. If this is you then you really need to take a step back and look at how you may be perceived. Even if you don’t care it can still impact on your self-esteem because people will eventually stop liking and commenting. If you are confined to the house or a set way of life, try changing your routine up so you don’t rely on Facebook for comfort.

10. Power of Silence

So many people underestimate the power of silence. It can be more powerful than the words you speak. It is a tactic used by lawyers, police, sales people and you if you’re smart. If someone has ticked you off and you have that urge to have the last word by posting a Facebook rant then I beg you to just STOP. Anyone who has upset you isn’t worth your words or your time. If it is that bad you should be waiting for them to come to you with an apology. The person with the control in any conflict is the one that keeps their head. So be cool, calm and collected. Instead of ranting on Facebook, tell Facebook what a fabulous day you have had. The last thing you want is your enemy thinking that they were the focus of your whole day!

Sex: The Double Standard

newproject_1_original-19.jpgThere was a debate on my Snapchat about why it is acceptable for men to sleep around but for women it is not. There were many different opinions surrounding this and I could not help but be intrigued, so I thought I would give my musings on it. It was clear that some people are heavily influenced by their upbringing and religion. I understand this can be a sensitive subject for some groups, so bear in mind, this blog is only being Defined by Thrine…no one else.

Religion alone used to govern nations and ways of thinking, and the separation of religious and royal rule had a long lasting effect on future generations  (remember Henry VIII breaking from the Catholic Church so he could marry his fifth wife?). If we stick to England to keep it simple, we see a great mix of believers, atheists, agnostics and so on. The views of these groups have grown and expanded over a vast amount of time. This is why there are now varying attitudes about what is deemed acceptable in society, including women and sex.

The traditional and in my opinion, outdated view, is that women are to be seen as virginal angels who only think about their husband’s penis when they’re married. They do not talk dirty, dress inappropriately, argue back or have the final say in a household. This age-old thinking goes back thousands of years and is still incorporated into many religions. It is easy to forget that the past, even thousands of years ago, has shaped our attitudes today, passed down from generation to generation.


As I said on my Snapchat (forgive my crudeness), a woman can climax as many times as she wants in one sexual session, whereas a man has to wait before he can ejaculate again. He may be able to do it more than once…but nowhere near the number of times a woman can. Female bodies were built with that feature so why are we being told we can’t explore it? It is our sexual power. We should have the right to explore sex before marriage, as it is our pleasure too and we don’t necessarily want to live with disappointment in the bedroom.

So, why aren’t we rid of the notion that women can’t sleep with whom they wish? To dig down into this question I needed the opinion of a man. After much debate my chosen subject and I got to the root of the men’s issue about women sleeping around. I initially argued that, if a man will only marry a woman who is deemed a ‘good girl’ (another term forced upon us), it is because his ego says to him that if he marries a woman who has had these experiences before him, then he may not live up to her expectations/standards…and that is a loss of power. If men admit this, then they are admitting deeper feelings, such as paranoia, an urge to control and self-loathing. It is much easier to judge her and call her ‘loose’, ‘easy’, ‘slut’ etc. My fellow debater argued that this may be the case for a handful of men, however, the majority are only bothered about their partner being known for sleeping around, as it hurts their pride.


Upon hearing this I realised that this issue then was ultimately about emotion. A man wants to feel that a woman is his and no one else’s. Even so, not everyone is a sexual bragger, so whilst a man may think he has a good girl, he actually has a smart one that doesn’t reveal how many men she’s really had sex with. If a woman is publicly known as having many partners then, according to my subject, a man will be less likely to ‘wife’ her. The sad part of this discussion was realising how all this, to a certain degree, exploits women. Men want them to be promiscuous and available, yet frigid and submissive, according to their needs at the time.  Some are happy to sleep with the woman who is known for putting about to satisfy their desires, yet when they settle down with the timid wife they will call that previous conquest a whore.

So is it okay for women to sleep around? Well, we are complicated creatures and this is where the discussion gets messy. A lot of men can emotionally detach from sex, however, for most women, it is an extremely emotional act. If a woman can have different sexual partners and still feel emotionally stable, then I don’t really get what the issue is. If she speaks openly about it that’s her decision.  As I said in my ‘Sex’ blog though, women should be cautious if they are sleeping around for validation. Validation will not be achieved this way, only a brutal stripping of your self-worth. And…of course…stay safe.


In conclusion, no human owns another human and no human should judge another human, regardless of what a particular group or person says. If you disagree with women being as free as men then that is fine, as long as you don’t try to stop women having their freedoms. If you are a man who wants a good girl then that’s your choice…

…just don’t bash the women you don’t want.

Surviving in Business

wp-1478201272463.jpgFirst off, I don’t have my own business. A great start to this post. I’m a new writer (to the world) and I hope to freelance full time one day, or become a famous author…ahh dreams! So why would I write a blog post about surviving in business? Well, my recent experiences of ‘putting myself out there’ have been up and down. I’ve also witnessed numerous small businesses setting up in my city only to see them close six months later. At the other end of the totem pole I’ve seen many people succeeding, blessed with longevity and profit. I’m not a fan of money (‘yeah right’ I hear you think), nonetheless we need it survive and we all want to be comfortable…right? So I’ve been mulling it over…

The raw ingredients you need to succeed in business are constant drive and determination. Regardless of how many friends and contacts you have, the only person who is whole-heartedly interested in making you money… is you. For every handful of friends who will promote you there is a 100 more who won’t. It is for this reason that you must have a clear vision and not give up when the going gets tough. Starting a business on a whim, without structure, will see you run out of steam and ideas. So, figure out the answers to the big questions. Who is your target market? Who are your competitors? How will you get your product out there? What is your profit margin? How will you fund the start up? These were just off the top of my head so you can imagine how many more questions you need to ask yourself. Ideally, if you are low on funds, it is better to keep your current job whilst trying to kick your self-employment off. If you have sufficient funds, do not put it all in one basket. You should always have something to fall back on in case the business goes down the wp-1478201438206.jpgdrain. This may sound negative; however, it is a reality for a lot people.

The rich business people you see today did not become successful after one attempt. You must be relentless in your drive and easily brush off criticism, failure and those people who think you are crazy for even trying. Do not be alarmed, they are the ones that are just scared of you making it. The only voice you should listen to in business is your inner one…because ultimately, everyone will want a slice of your pie… if its successful!

This is a bit of a cliché but ‘consistency is key’, especially in customer service and presence. The public do not like flakes, rude people or companies that do not follow through on promises. It is also easy to be forgotten about if you take a few months off from promoting your business. When you consider social media businesses like Juice Plus, The Opportunity Company or people selling their wears, you will notice it is the people who are consistent who are the most successful. If you feel silly or embarrassed, then you do not believe your own product and you should reconsider your path.

Your attitude plays a big part in your success. No one likes a know it all, a bragger or any sort of haughty behaviour for that matter. Staying humble can be difficult for some, so self-reflection should be carried out regularly. Once you have made it, always have that thought in your head that you haven’t. Remember the struggle you had to go through and what fuelled your drive to get out of it.


Success may only stick for a couple of years, so it is important to always stay one step ahead and be innovative. Do this from the beginning, although you will ask different questions as the business progresses. Can you expand? Can the product be improved or adapted? Is it time for a new product? Is the marketing strategy working? Have you collected and collated customer feedback? Your business should be a constantly moving machine. Think months, even years ahead, to increase the chance of longevity and to ride out any economic downturns.

This may all seem like common sense, even to those like me who don’t have a fully-fledged business. Even so, running a business takes time, energy and stress management. It is easy to get bogged down when you are in the middle of it, so taking a step back going back to basics can only be a good thing!