There are individuals who are completely at home with their sexuality and a new experience with a new person is anything but daunting. On the flip side, some of us feel petrified at the thought of taking our clothes off for someone new. Am I fat? Am I scaly? Will they think things are too small or too big? You can get so consumed with the thought of feeling embarrassed that you actually do embarrass yourself. Tripping over trousers, human functions failing and not getting each other’s sexual flow are all real things. Another common occurrence is expectation. You may have been thinking non-stop about your first sexual encounter with this person to the point where you have it planned out in your head. Then when it comes to crunch time it is anything but exciting and pleasurable, more like cringing and forgetful.
One night stands are not really relevant to this discussion, as they usually occur when alcohol has been consumed and inhibitions disappear anyway. If you have been dating someone, however, this first experience may mean a hell of a lot to you. The key is confidence and ensuring you’re comfortable enough to take things to the next level. Having sex with the person your dating to please them is all well and good but you may not be doing your wellbeing a favour. Any person worth their salt will want their partner to be comfortable too and so honesty really is the best policy. If your partner is putting pressure on you in any way at all and you give in, then the experience will not feel special or genuine.
Unfortunately, our physical side can move way faster than our head. We may think we are ready, do the deed and end up feeling ashamed or regretful in the morning. There is not a timescale for this sort of thing, although the sexual tension will be greatly increased if you do try to hold off for at least a couple of months. Not only does this mean that you have a chance to get to know each other’s personalities properly, it is also a chance to test how long the flame can burn for. If after three months, the person you’re dating is still keen then you know you can comfortably and happily move to the next level with them. If they complain, get bored or fob you off then you know they were only interested in your physical side rather than your spiritual as well. I am sure there are those thinking ‘What?! Three months?!’ and I note this may seem lengthy for people who have a high sex drive. Even so, holding off will most likely make for better sex. Rather than it being an act simply for physically pleasure, you have more chance of achieving the spiritual pleasure at the same time. In these instances, awkwardness and embarrassment do not exist.
Putting new relationships aside, what about existing long term relationships where the expectations have already been set for some time? The key to ensuring sexual longevity in a long term relationship is communication. Many couples end up in the same routine. Same position, same time, same place and same orgasm (or maybe no orgasm at all…the horror!). If this is you and you and your partner are happy then hallelujah, just make sure neither of you are trying to save the feelings of the other. It is okay to say you are bored, want to try something new or that you’re not as keen as you once were. Saying uncomfortable truths can only lead to further discussion. As long as that discussion is pleasant and takes consideration of people’s feelings then a positive result should follow. The easiest way to resolve this kind of issue in the first instance is a change of scenery. If you are not in a position to do this, then change rooms! The most important point to note here though is that effort is key. Doing things half-heartedly will only create resentment, distance and a potential end to the romance.
So, if you’re moving to the next level with someone or trying to spice up an existing
relationship, sexpectations are at the root of it…so make sure yours are met.