When bad things happen, we start blaming the world for our problems, build resentment towards others and ask the sky what the hell we did to deserve all this. The truth is though, you can’t have the good without the bad. Too much good and you’ll end up taking things for granted. Too much bad and you may turn a little crazy and/or evil. Whatever bad situation you’re in, there is some good to come from it I promise. The main thing to remember in any predicament is that there isn’t a reaction…without your reaction. In other words, things are only bad if you let them be. Of course, there are also the terrible times we all go through, such as death and betrayal but even these have a somewhat ‘good’ aspect to them depending on how optimistic and hopeful you are.
Death reminds us of the old cliché, ‘life is short’. Losing a loved one immediately grounds you and all the problems you thought you had become extremely small and insignificant. We are reminded that we all face the same fate and we must muster the mental strength to grieve and mourn ourselves to a place of acceptance. So, where is the good here? Well, it is hard to see and you won’t exactly feel good but it is a positive to your wellbeing in the long run either way…it is self-reflection. The notion that life is short hits us hardest when we lose someone and this is often a catalyst to ‘live life to the full’. The grief also enhances our ability to be compassionate and kind to others, traits that some people don’t usually have.
Betrayal is painful. It is painful because it comes from the people who we thought we could trust and we end up replaying situations with them over and over to try figure out how we could have been so stupid. Each of us has our own internal battle and our own way to reason, so you may never understand why someone betrayed you. What you can do is examine what you tolerate. You are not obligated to spend time or converse with anyone, even family. If you need to take a step back to protect yourself then don’t feel guilty about it. The betrayer may continue to try justify their actions to you or may even get angry when you don’t see it from their point view. Ultimately, you should weigh up if the person can add value to your life. If they don’t then keep your distance and remain neutral about their existence. Causing further drama means you have adopted your betrayer’s ways of handling things. The good in taking these steps is that they ensure you have the right people around you to help you live your life to the full. Negative people are betrayers too, as they are blatantly opposing aspects of your existence…true friends would never do that. Your business is your business, negs can keep on walking by.
Other bad things that happen to us can be minor. A car drenching you by driving through a puddle when you are on the path (been there!), being late for work, failed promises from loved ones, being let down by a friend etc. etc. These are the ones that don’t exactly shake you to your core but they may reduce you to tears of frustration if they keep happening one after another. If you get easily flustered like me, try sitting still for a good ten minutes and arrange your thoughts. The universe must pick on someone and today it is just your day. Remind yourself it will pass and that there are more serious things to get bent out of shape over. I take these moments as a test of my patience and self-control. A good sweaty gym session and sauna always calms me down, or letting out random screams (hahaha).
As stated in the opening paragraph, having good things happen all the time can make us take our good life for granted and it just becomes normal. For instance, if a child is bought and given everything they ask for, they stop understanding the value of gifts, so they then start to demand things. If they always get their own way, they will be distressed and angry when they do not. It is all about balance. Bad happenings switch on and expand our coping mechanisms in life. If children learn when they are young that not everything is a given, they will cope much better as an adult when things don’t go their way. This understanding also breeds a self-confidence and allows them to recover quickly from failure. If you struggle to cope with bad events, then look back to your childhood and consider how ‘sheltered’ you were. You may have developed a big ego from people always letting you win, or a strict stubbornness because you were always told you were right. This can be difficult to reflect on and you will need to be willing to humble yourself to heal.
So, the moral of the blog really is to first take a step back and try reason with the bad, so that you may take some good from it, however small. If you can adapt this practice you will be happier and cope much better in times of trouble. If you completely struggle to do this then you may need a proper break from your surroundings, away from the people you see day to day. Get back in touch with your sense of self and remind yourself of the things you find joyful. Train your mind to take the good with the bad so you may live in balance.