Sex: The Double Standard

newproject_1_original-19.jpgThere was a debate on my Snapchat about why it is acceptable for men to sleep around but for women it is not. There were many different opinions surrounding this and I could not help but be intrigued, so I thought I would give my musings on it. It was clear that some people are heavily influenced by their upbringing and religion. I understand this can be a sensitive subject for some groups, so bear in mind, this blog is only being Defined by Thrine…no one else.

Religion alone used to govern nations and ways of thinking, and the separation of religious and royal rule had a long lasting effect on future generations  (remember Henry VIII breaking from the Catholic Church so he could marry his fifth wife?). If we stick to England to keep it simple, we see a great mix of believers, atheists, agnostics and so on. The views of these groups have grown and expanded over a vast amount of time. This is why there are now varying attitudes about what is deemed acceptable in society, including women and sex.

The traditional and in my opinion, outdated view, is that women are to be seen as virginal angels who only think about their husband’s penis when they’re married. They do not talk dirty, dress inappropriately, argue back or have the final say in a household. This age-old thinking goes back thousands of years and is still incorporated into many religions. It is easy to forget that the past, even thousands of years ago, has shaped our attitudes today, passed down from generation to generation.


As I said on my Snapchat (forgive my crudeness), a woman can climax as many times as she wants in one sexual session, whereas a man has to wait before he can ejaculate again. He may be able to do it more than once…but nowhere near the number of times a woman can. Female bodies were built with that feature so why are we being told we can’t explore it? It is our sexual power. We should have the right to explore sex before marriage, as it is our pleasure too and we don’t necessarily want to live with disappointment in the bedroom.

So, why aren’t we rid of the notion that women can’t sleep with whom they wish? To dig down into this question I needed the opinion of a man. After much debate my chosen subject and I got to the root of the men’s issue about women sleeping around. I initially argued that, if a man will only marry a woman who is deemed a ‘good girl’ (another term forced upon us), it is because his ego says to him that if he marries a woman who has had these experiences before him, then he may not live up to her expectations/standards…and that is a loss of power. If men admit this, then they are admitting deeper feelings, such as paranoia, an urge to control and self-loathing. It is much easier to judge her and call her ‘loose’, ‘easy’, ‘slut’ etc. My fellow debater argued that this may be the case for a handful of men, however, the majority are only bothered about their partner being known for sleeping around, as it hurts their pride.


Upon hearing this I realised that this issue then was ultimately about emotion. A man wants to feel that a woman is his and no one else’s. Even so, not everyone is a sexual bragger, so whilst a man may think he has a good girl, he actually has a smart one that doesn’t reveal how many men she’s really had sex with. If a woman is publicly known as having many partners then, according to my subject, a man will be less likely to ‘wife’ her. The sad part of this discussion was realising how all this, to a certain degree, exploits women. Men want them to be promiscuous and available, yet frigid and submissive, according to their needs at the time.  Some are happy to sleep with the woman who is known for putting about to satisfy their desires, yet when they settle down with the timid wife they will call that previous conquest a whore.

So is it okay for women to sleep around? Well, we are complicated creatures and this is where the discussion gets messy. A lot of men can emotionally detach from sex, however, for most women, it is an extremely emotional act. If a woman can have different sexual partners and still feel emotionally stable, then I don’t really get what the issue is. If she speaks openly about it that’s her decision.  As I said in my ‘Sex’ blog though, women should be cautious if they are sleeping around for validation. Validation will not be achieved this way, only a brutal stripping of your self-worth. And…of course…stay safe.


In conclusion, no human owns another human and no human should judge another human, regardless of what a particular group or person says. If you disagree with women being as free as men then that is fine, as long as you don’t try to stop women having their freedoms. If you are a man who wants a good girl then that’s your choice…

…just don’t bash the women you don’t want.


Author: Defined by Thrine

'The times they are a-changin' A passionate writer without an agenda History undergraduate Speak freely, listen intently #moreyinthanyang #healthydebates Enjoy...Defined by Thrine.

2 thoughts on “Sex: The Double Standard”

  1. I totally agree. It’s very hypocritical for men to think nothing of having sex with many partners and then turn around and criticize a woman for doing the same thing. I think it is because they are insecure and gel threatened by a woman who is independent and whom they do not have “sole ownership”, as it were, of a woman’s sexual actions. Men should admire, not criticize, a woman who has the self confidence to freely express herself sexually. I’m not sure why they don’t appreciate such a woman more since if a guy is going to have sex with a woman, wouldn’t you naturally prefer to do it with someone who is open and creative and is actually talented at it, compared to a stereotypical “good girl” virgin with whom sex may or may not be as exciting and satisfying for both parties? And your point about orgasm is also very valid. As you said, while many men can achieve orgasm more than once during sex, a third, fourth, etc. time is very rare. Yet for women, achieving multiple organs is relatively common. And here is another point which I take issue with most men. They seem to often be selfishly thinking only of their own pleasure and how a woman can make them cum. But if the guy is a worthy sexual partner, he should be more concerned about how much pleasure he can give the woman and how many times he can help her achieve orgasm. At risk of giving “TMI”, for me personally, I derive just as much pleasure in giving a woman orgasms as I do in having an orgasm myself. Seeing the moments of ecstasy on her face and in her body as she climaxes should give any guy extreme happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well put Tom! I totally agree. I know not all men are this way but it is a commom theme in our society. I just want women to know their power and respect themselves enough to get what they want. I do think the minds of men are changing slowly and some are seeing the benefit of a strong woman in their life. So glad I wrote this one as I have had some great feedback off men. Thanks so much for sharing your view ✌🙄


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