Assumption- a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
It is easier to make an assumption, rather than just ask somebody directly either, what they are doing or what is going on. We make assumptions in many different ways, the most common assumption being ‘why someone did what they did’, i.e. they left you out of something, they went somewhere without you, you found out they lied and so on. We refrain from confronting them to get the truth because we fear that they will call us irrational, or that we will dislike their truth. Note how I said ‘their’ truth. It is easy to think you are the root cause of other people’s actions but isn’t that just a little egotistical? You may be right on the money but even so…you should never assume if you don’t have all the facts. The other person’s actions may have nothing to do with you at all. The majority of the time people have other things going on that you may not know about, so don’t let your assumptions eat away at you, or cause you to fall out with your loved ones. If you are hurt that much that you start feeling resentful, then you need to find the person in question and clear the air. It may be daunting, however, it is better than letting that heavy weight just sit on your chest killing your self-esteem.
Another way of assuming is similar to the above but with the shoe on the other foot. This time you are the one assuming that it is okay not to include someone in an activity, you assume they are busy or in the wrong, or perhaps you took something without asking because you assumed it will be okay. Unfortunately, this is not always the case! We are all emotional beings with different types of triggers. You may assume you can do something because someone else let you do it… but two individuals are not going to respond in the same way. Assuming too much can cause people to dislike you, as it is effectively gossiping and/or being disrespectful of people’s feelings. If you know someone well then it should only take a minute to take a step back and think, ‘will this hurt or inconvenience them?’. Of course you cannot take this action every time for every person you know, although this rule should be in place for your loved ones. It is not weak to consider other people’s feelings but at the same time they shouldn’t govern your life. Nonetheless, a bit of common courtesy never goes a miss and you could save yourself a headache by just being open and honest from the beginning.
Assumptions cousin, ‘Presumption’ is often the best defence for an assumption. For instance, say you go to some sort of club every Friday to partake in a hobby. Everyone knows how dedicated you are to it. On the same evening, your best friend out of the blue has a party and invites everyone but you. Feeling upset and put out you ask them why? And they respond with ‘well I thought you’d say no, as you always go to that club on a Friday’. So presumption is assuming but it has a basis in probability. Even so, you are still assuming! A defensive response such as this will just make people more annoyed, so you are better off admitting it was an oversight. If you want to be really honest and tell the person you just did not want them there then that is your call…at least they know where they stand with you!
The worst kind of assumption is when you meet someone you don’t know much about and you immediately make your negative judgements. This behaviour is usually driven by jealous or angry feelings. Again, if you act this way you need to take a step back and consider why the person has you wound up. To just make judgements and gossip to others about them only looks bad on you and it makes others pity the person you do not like. You can never fully understand or know someone else’s life, feelings or motivations. So before you open your mouth stop and think. Give yourself a chance to get to know people and vice versa. If you live your life with honesty, then others can never justify judging you, nor can they confidently presume to assume anything about you.