People will nearly always put their energy into the negative before they put it into the positive. For instance, if you distance yourself from someone because they are exhausting your sense of self, then they may get offended and feel put out. 99.9% of the time they will not reflect on their own actions. This leads them to speak about you negatively to others because you have taken away their control in the relationship. Proud people will act as if they do not care which makes it much easier for you, however, someone associated with that person may take petty action on their behalf. This person is basically diving head first into a pile of dung that does not belong to them and it is likely that they do not really know what is going on. For you, this can create a number of little headaches to deal with, as you feel you have to explain and justify your actions to a bunch of people…who are not even involved in the situation.
So…why do so many people butt in and waste their energy by talking negatively about people? The main motivation is that you have ‘hurt’ someone close to them and they feel offended on their behalf. The other less talked about reason is, they do not have anything positive to focus on in their own life. Whilst it is admirable to take a stand for those you love, it is also rather saddening if it governs your life. The more we latch onto other people’s problems and take action where they will not, the more we let the positive seep out of our own life. Talking about others negatively as a matter of topic is something we are all guilty of…but it does not make it right. No matter what is going on, try distance yourself from petty dramas, even the ones that involve you! Sometimes it is hard because your feelings are hurt but seriously…they are not worth your time or energy.
Let’s face it, some people hold onto grudges forever because ‘they deserve an apology’ and ‘they are right’. Well, pride is a good way to lose friends and that apology will not arrive if the other party feels the same way. This is where we have to act like adults and humble ourselves enough to agree to disagree. If they cannot see how their behaviour permeates the air with negativity, then leave them be. You should not have to exhaust yourself trying to make others see sense, especially the others on the outside who are ‘offended’ for their party. You will know if people still care, as they will still have some presence in your life, such as asking mutual friends about you,or keeping you as a friend on social media platforms. This makes them feel in control again as they can dip in and out of your life as they wish.
Those who are meant to be around you will make an effort not to let drama get in the way of your friendship. When both sides are cautious to maintain the positive in a relationship it has more chance of lasting. Communication tends to break down if someone is holding resentment or if they are too involved in your personal bubble. A friendship is a two-way street and you have to both be willing not to overstep the mark. There is a difference between giving someone advice and telling them what to do. There is a difference between telling someone what they deserve and trying to govern their life. There is a difference between trying to understand something and picking something apart. These are just the subtleties of any relationship and in one word it is called…Respect.
If someone is in a war of wills with you or seems to have just cut you off, with no reinstatement of the friendship in sight…just keep living and do not dwell on it. Eventually…or maybe I should say hopefully…they will make a permanent decision as to whether they want you in their life. Let’s hope for their sake you do not decide first!